It's late at night and neither one of us is sleeping
I can't imagine living my life after you're gone
Wondering why so many questions have no answers
I keep on searching for the reason why we went wrong

Where is our yesterday
You and I could use it right now
But if this is goodbye

Just take my heart when you go
I don't have the need for it anymore
I'll always love you, but you're hard to hold
Just take my heart when you go

Here we are about to take the final step now
I just can't fool myself, I know there's no turning back
Face to face it's been endless conversation
But when the love is gone you're left with nothing but talk

I'd give my everything
If only I could turn you around
But if this is goodbye

Just take my heart when you go
I don't have the need for it anymore
I'll always love you but you're hard to hold
Just take my heart when you go

Parties left and right. Lights blinking, seasonal tunes playing, food overflowing, people laughing. Drink, dance like there's no tomorrow... forget for a while. I want to hate you; it's costing too much effort trying pretending to be happy. Yet when the night's over and my feet are tired and the booze nearly knocked me out, I slip into dreams of falling asleep in your arms. I wake up drenched in tears.

Three weeks to the new year. Frankly I don't know how to face it. I don't even know why I'm still here.

I wish you won't call me Chat. It just feels weird cos I've always been Chammy to you.

Understand my silence. I can't even afford to look you in the eye. I'm still so crazy about you, and you... well. We are the same no longer. I know it, but I also know I won't be able to take it if I saw it in your eyes. It's enough that I had to give you up.

Do you know how painful it is to walk away from you and know that you won't be coming after me? To see you smile, to hear you laugh and feel that your heart is not with me?

Gusto ko isiping mahal mo pa rin ako pero ayokong paasahin yung sarili ko. Ang hirap eh. Ke totoo, he hindi, parehong masakit.

Wala namang pinagkaiba kahit papaniwalain ko ang sarili kong mahal mo ako. Wala ka pa rin. Hindi ka pa rin babalik. Kaya mo pa rin akong mawala. At meron pa ring mas importante sa akin.

I keep imagining how it'd be if you were there too. I guess I just wanted to share with you something I know is bound to be a great moment in my life. I wanted you to be where good memories are.

It doesn't matter that this is just for tonight. That moment, I lived again.

Know that I will always love you.

A fairytale.
A golden time.

Reality check.
Reality bites.

I love you.
I must lose you.

Sana ganito na lang lagi. Pero ayaw kitang masaktan. At ayaw kitang makasakit.

"Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart."

"... But what I think is - no matter how much suffering you went through, you never wanted to let go of those memories."

"That's true. It hurt more and more to hold on to them, but I never wanted to let them go, as long as I was alive. It was the only reason I had to go on living, the only thing that proved I was alive."

I probably shouldn't be talking to you. I'm blind with pain afterwards, but you don't have to know that. I won't make it hard for you. It won't matter if I feel discarded when it's over, or cry a river realizing that you're still not coming back to me - what does it matter if I could have you again for a few hours, a minute? I'd give anything for this borrowed time.

... It's all you can give me.

Have you ever lost someone you love and wanted one more conversation, one more chance to make up for the time when you thought they would be here forever? If so, then you know you can go your whole life collecting days, and none will outweigh the one you wish you had back.

What if you got it back?

-For One More Day, Mitch Albom

If I ever lose you again, wait in the place you saw me last and I promise, I will find you.
-Meteor Garden 2

... I didn't mind. After all, I was so sure we'd end up together. I always thought that in the end, it would be us. I loved him. I managed to convince myself that he loved me (what else could it be?). Little did I know that love doesn't conquer all, it only conquers the weak.

"God brings men into deep waters, not to drown them but to cleanse them," somebody once wrote. I didn't want to be cleansed. I just wanted to drown in pain and misery and utter desolation. I wanted to wallow in the dark and deep pit of despair. I know a thousand and one cliches that say this can be a blessing and that I should be thankful. But thankful is the last thing I'm feeling right now.

There are some people who meet that somebody that they can never stop loving, no matter how hard they try. I wouldn't expect you to understand that, or even believe it, but trust me, there are some love that don't go away. And maybe that makes them crazy, but we should all be blessed to end up with that somebody who has a little of that insanity. Somebody who never lets go. Somebody who cherishes you forever.
-Ally McBeal

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.
-Moulin Rouge

People spend a lifetime looking for love, wanting it, needing it, seeking it, and most of the time they don't find it. But once in a while, once in a great while, it comes to you, it throws itself in your lap, pounds on your door and says, "Here I am, take me, I'm yours." When it comes, how can you turn away from it? How can you say, "Not now, maybe later?" How can you not take that chance, knowing the opportunity may never come again?
-Danielle Steele

"While it takes great courage to stand and fight, sometimes it takes even greater courage to walk away and leave things in God's hands..."

Yehey.

But we both know that.
Be happy always.

... kasi paggising ko, iba na ang mundo. Ayoko itong matapos.

... pero bakit di ko matiis na maging laging nasa tabi mo?

Kahit hindi na dapat.

Bakit ganun, pag kausap kita, ang dali lang makalimutan ang mga nangyari. Ang dali mawala ng lahat ng sakit, pait at luha. Ang dali maniwala at umasang babalik ka.

Pero kahit naman maghapon-magdamag tayo mag-usap at wala tayong ginawa kundi tumawa... eh ano ngayon?

These past few weeks I've been trying to convince myself that all of this - each look, smile, touch - is just an act of kindness on your part. Shouldn't be an issue though deep inside, the littlest things mean a big deal to me. We should remain friends, just like you said that forsaken day.

But then you kissed me.

That moment I knew we are not "friends". We cannot be friends.

Alam ko.

... Ako rin.

Natatawa 'ko pag nadadaan ako sa Ayala at Buendia.

... I don't know. For some reason I feel that this isn't the end. (False bravado?)

Pero kailangan. Kasi pakiramdam ko, pampagulo lang ako sa buhay mo. Ayaw kitang mawala, pero lalong ayaw kitang mahirapan.


Anu ba, hindi na tayo nakapag-paintball... hmp.
(Talagang yung pa rin ang inuna, haha.)

"Perfection is reached not when there is no longer to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away."

She's had to give up some love, of course; some of her once-boundless love for him. You can't keep a cool head when you're drowning in love. You just thrash around a lot, and scream, and wear yourself out.

She does love him. She loves him still. She can't afford to go overboard, is all.

But maybe, underneath, she loves him too much. Maybe it's her excessive love that pushes him away.



The Robber Bride, Margaret Atwood