Man has a body that is both his burden and his temptation. He ought to watch over it. Keep it in bounds, repress it, and obey it only as a last resort. It may be wrong to obey even then, but if so, the fault is venial. It is a fall, but a fall onto the knees, which may end in prayer.
-Fantine, Les Miserables

Hindi ko alam kung gusto mo pang maging parte ako ng buhay mo. Siguro mas mabuting isipin ko na lang na hindi na. Alam mong lalaban ako hanggang sa huli. Ang tanong, may ipinaglalaban pa ba ako?

Mahirap makiramdam. Masakit ang hindi sigurado. At nakakapagod mag-isip.

It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending
Who we are
(Who are we?)

-Don't Speak, No Doubt

Now I'm crying like a church on Monday
Praying for these feelings to go away
So do me a favor, baby
Put down your new god
And love me like Sunday again...

People who are alone are the freest people in the world. But people get so used to their roles, that once they get this freedom, they get confused. That's why most cannot bear the fact of being alone. They put being alone in the same category as loneliness and emptiness. But people should be confident in whatever road they choose. We came alone into this world and it's the same when we leave.
-Love Talk, Korean movie

I wonder if you still think of me. I don't want you to be sad, but it won't hurt to know that you're not too happy about letting me go. I don't want to feel like some freakin' mistake that needed correcting. I'd like to believe that what we had was way more than that.

We've been separated long enough. Are you as miserable as I am?

You worry too much about them thinking that I am some bitch trying to steal you away. I don't give a damn, so why should you? If you cared so much, I wish you had the resolve to prove it wasn't like that.

Because when you left, I was just a bitch who tried to steal you away... and never quite succeeded.

"Uy, kasama namin si ___ kagabi."
"Aah..."
"Oo, grabe ang laki ng pinayat nya!"
"OK..."
"Bakit parang di ka concerned?"
"Sabi ko nga ang laki ng pinayat eh. Sorry naman."

... I still worry about you.

My main occupation these days is either playing dead or pretending I'm OK. For the latter - who knows, someday I might believe that. Personally, I'd rather be dead. I wake up each morning and wonder why I'm still living.

Is it really necessary that I feel this pain?

Ayaw kong ipakitang nasasaktan ako kasi ayaw kitang malungkot. Kung saan ka masaya, dun ako. Kahit minsan ang hirap na magkunwaring matapang.

I wonder if you said you loved me when telling her about me.

... or do I not exist?

... Waiting for the bus makes tears well up in my eyes.

I had to make that choice, because we both know you won't fight for me. Why didn't you fight for me?

Are we just a sum of our memories?
-Medium

If I could bang my head hard enough so that I can remember nothing but moments "before the accident", times when it seemed as if the world's ours, as if we owned time.

Or hit it hard enough so that everything is wiped... then I could meet your eyes and not feel pain.

My heart aches.

I could pretend I hate you, and it gets me through for a while, but just a thought, a sharp memory, and I know I don't... I just couldn't.

Buti pa sya 'no? Hindi mo sya kayang mawala.

i love you

I miss you. I can't stand it anymore. But you won't be coming back to me right...?

Yes, I am a slut. But I am the best slut in town.
-Celine, Maging Sino Ka Man

The greatest day we had.

... never forget me.

Not long ago I told you to never leave me because it's harder without you; I would simply die.

I'm still here. But it's like dying. Worse, even.

The answers we find are never what we have in mind
So we make it up as we go along
You don't talk of dreams, I won't mention tomorrow
And we won't make those promises that we can't keep

baron - Bitin pero sulit.
kuya - Gusto mo pang humirit?
baron - Pwede na siguro yun, kuya. Pag sumobra, baka sumablay pa.


... Awts.

I'd hate you if I didn't love you so much.
-The Devil Wears Prada

More important than what actually happened is that you wanted it to happen. Just admit it, Andy. You wanted to kiss Christian regardless of whether that's "wrong" or "bad" or "against the rules". And if you don't admit it, you're lying.

I've known you for nine years Andy. You don't think I can see it written all over your face that you worship him?

-The Devil Wears Prada

"How do you redefine something that never really had a name?"

I don't know what to say. I'm too tired of it all. And I would just die if I have to go through all that again.

The shittiest part is when people would tell me that he's so lucky to have me. I know they mean well, but I don't know how I'd feel about that. Cos if I'm so good, if I'm so goddamn perfect, then why does he not want me?

I know the answer, deep down, but I don't want to think about it. Ang sakit eh.

Lunes na naman. Pwede bang wag na lang pumasok?

Wala lang. It's just so unfair that I still have to lead a normal life when all I want - need - to do is fall apart.

I mock my pain. I laugh at it because if I don't I'd start bawling like a newborn.

I can't grieve. Cos, I admit, I haven't accepted it. I don't want to. Sobrang sakit eh. Yun nga lang di ko pa masyadong ina-absorb masakit na eh.

Forgive me Lord for the many times I wished I was dead. You know deep in my heart I don't mean it... it's just that sometimes this pain is so unbearable I feel like I can't take it anymore... and during those times that I don't feel pain I wonder what's the point of existing any longer.

I know he'd disagree, pero minsan talaga feeling ko para 'kong basurang itinapon.

I hate being sick. Apart from the discomfort, wala nang mag-aalaga sa akin.

If I thought I could help you by putting you into an enchanted sleep and allowing you to postpone the moment when you would have to think about what has happened tonight, I would do it. But I know better. Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.
-Albus Dumbledore, HP and the Goblet of Fire

"There's no greater glory than love nor there is greater punishment than jealousy."

I've paid the price; I'm still paying for it everyday.


*quote by Oscar Wilde