"Uy paalis ka na ba?"

Gusto ko sya. Pero hindi ko alam kung gusto ko ba sya gawa ng tamang mga kadahilanan.

"Good morning na naman..."

Nakakatuwa rin pala kapag may taong nagbibigay-pansin sa 'yo. Kahit simpleng pagtatanong lang kung kumain ka na ba o anong oras ka nakatulog. Yung hihintayin ka tuwing umaga para sabay kayong pumasok sa opisina. Yung sasabihing "Haha, inaantok... tulog ka na..." kapag kumukurap-kurap ka na dahil sa pagpupuyat kagabi. Yung sisiguraduhing ligtas kang nakakarating sa bahay dahil lagi kang nag-oovertime at gabi na kung makauwi. Yung magpapasalamat pa sa 'yo kapag kayo'y maghihiwalay na, at parang laging looking forward na makita kang muli.

"Next time..."

Para syang alak - pwede akong magpakalasing hanggang gusto ko. Pero kapag hindi na ako lango sa atensyong ibinibigay nya, iisang bagay ang nangingibabaw: mahal pa rin kita.

"OK, wait kita."

I can feel him breathing softly, evenly, beside me, fast asleep. He was smiling; he was probably having pleasant dreams. It should've had a calming effect on me, but instead, myriad of emotions struggled within. His peace brought back memories of you, memories I've kept long hidden.

It's been years but I can still picture that summer afternoon when you fell asleep on my shoulder. I see it in my mind's eye now, clear as day. I wanted to hold your hand then, but I was afraid the slightest movement would upset the way my body was poised, and rob you of your rest. I closed my eyes, contentment seeping through me. I wished for the moment to last forever.

I awoke the next morning to find you still in slumber. My heart filled with warmth just watching you lying there, seeming so peaceful. I was too busy staring that I didn't notice you looking at me from under your lashes. Your lips slowly curved into a smile, then you opened your eyes, a mischievous glint lighting them up. No words were spoken, but you knew I've been gazing at you the whole time, and I could only smile in admission.

I remember everything as if it were yesterday. I see it in my mind's eye now, clear as day. But when I opened my eyes it's him who's beside me, as peaceful as you were that summer afternoon. I find myself wishing it's you, but no matter how fervently my heart wants it, the universe seems not willing anymore to make it come true.

Still, I hold on to what I knew that moment, so long ago.

I'm not giving up. I'm not. And I won't.

I miss you.