... bilang isang 21-taong gulang na bata. Tama ba namang maputulan ako ng takong habang naglalakad sa ilalim ng malakas na ulan?

Hindi ko na pinulot pa ang kapirasong plastik na yon dahil baka ako'y magulungan ng rumaragasang mga sasakyan. Mahirap na - hindi pa naman tuluyang nawawala ang kagustuhan kong mabuhay sa mundong ito.

Karma siguro ito. Habang nakadungaw sa bintana ng bus, may nakita akong babaeng mataas ang takong ng sapatos. Maganda sanang tingnan kung hindi alangan ang bawat hakbang nya at mukha syang hirap na hirap. Ano ba, makaporma lang, isip ko.

Ayan tuloy, ilang hakbang na nga lang at nasa loob na ako ng opisina, eh nadisgrasya pa. Hindi ako natalisod o kung anuman, basta naisip ko na lang, parang may nag-iba sa aking pakiramdam. Pagtingin ko sa aking kanang paa... aba, pang-Mentos commercial ang tagpong ito!

At syempre, Thank you to Paseo Center for my outfit na naman ang drama ko. Solusyon talaga sa lahat ng problema ang Paseo Center.

Mapagtatanto mong talaga ang kahalagahan ng isang bagay kapag wala na ito sa iyo.

(Brownout sa amin kahapon. Hindi ako makapag-blog; marami pa naman dapat akong isusulat. Ni hindi ako makapanood ng telebisyon. Hindi ko rin magawang magbasa, na nakaugalian ko na bago matulog. Mainit pa; swerte nang hindi malamok.)

Mas masaya, mas maganda pag may liwanag ang buhay...*

(Hmm... pwede na ring i-apply ang analogy sa lovelife... )


*Meralco theme

Thursday night. I came home to see candles lit at the street's end.

Earlier, a chase between a thief and a cop drove the crowd to a frenzy, especially after five shots were fired. When the screams died, a girl crumpled to the ground. She was rushed to the nearest hospital. On the way there, she let out a gasp. She's gone.

She was a student from one of the schools populating the University Belt. Probably waiting for her ride home, but something else, something dark and sad, caught her.

---

Saturday afternoon. Fresh from my stay at a friend's the night before, I was appalled to hear about the newest commotion that took place while I was away.

A fetus was found at the garbage dump near the Professional Regulation Commission. She was almost an infant, estimated to be at least six months in the womb before the abortion. There have been whispers about who the mother was, a married woman with four children, but investigations are still going on.

---

These are two innocent bystanders in a road called Life, dragged and crushed by the foolish, selfish actions of others around them.

Thou art to me a delicious torment.*

Sometimes I wonder if the only reason why you still exist is that I am not willing to let you go.


*inspired by literati's tagline

I walked across an empty land,
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand.
I felt the earth beneath my feet,
Sat by the river and it made me complete.

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.
So tell me when you're gonna let me in,
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.

I came across a fallen tree,
I felt the branches of it looking at me.
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.
So tell me when you're gonna let me in,
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.

So if you have a minute why don't we go,
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything.
So why don't we go somewhere only we know,
Somewhere only we know.

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.
So, tell me when you gonna let me in,
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.

And if you have a minute why don't we go,
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go, so why don't we go

This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go, somewhere only we know,
Somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know.


Somewhere Only We Know, Keane.

August 11

Raindrops splattered in my leg as I hurried along Ayala Avenue, wanting to catch the earliest train possible. Tensed as I was, I never felt so bored. And that's only from Paseo de Roxas to EDSA I have to go through.

During what I vowed to be our last conversation you told me how you go from your office in Ortigas to hers in Makati then finally dropping her off at home in Fairview, Quezon City on a daily basis. Who would have thought the biggest cynic of all will turn out to be the epitome of patience and sacrifice? "O, eh pano naman kayo nakakapunta ng MRT? Jeep?" I asked.

"Naglalakad sa Ayala, tapos pasok ng Glorietta hanggang sa MRT."
"Ano? Eh ang layo nun ah." Her office is nearer Buendia than EDSA.
"Para pagpawisan naman sya ng konti."
"Ganun."
"Oo. Syempre kwentuhan habang naglalakad."
"Ah."
"Syempre mamaya siksikin sya sa MRT. Andaming luku-luko dun."
"Ah talaga."
"Oo, dati nga nung college..."

And you went on telling me about a man who pushed her a little too hard inside the train, years before you met her. It struck me as really sweet, the desire to protect her. The plain need to be with her.

I thought, if it were me, would you do the same? Would you feel the need to protect me, or would you stick to what you thought eversince, that I am "one of the boys" and didn't really need protecting?

---

August 23

I walked along the throng of people trudging towards the walkway. It was 7PM - funny how the crowd never seems to fade. I turned in the curb, glancing at the glass wall of Ayala Museum. Surprise surged through me as my gaze fell upon you. Apparently you felt the same, because you did a double-take.

"Uy," we both said.

From head to foot, you looked at me. So subtly done, but still, I noticed. I didn't know what to think of that. Was this because of that last conversation, many nights ago - when you finally knew how I really felt about you? At times it feels longer; at times it feels like only yesterday. "Ang payat mo na ah," you observed. "Sa'n ka?"

I pointed my umbrella towards The Landmark. "Wala, may imi-meet lang ako."

"Naks," you laughed, a teasing look in your eye. There was the unspoken question: was it a guy?

"Gago." I looked away. "O sige na, may imi-meet ka rin eh." Her, of course.

I turned before another word could be said.

None of it matters now.