March 16th, 2006
lopsided
Sometimes I wonder at God's sense of humor.
It was past two in the afternoon. I hurried towards Noval Street, clutching an envelope containing my credentials. I must get to the school's post office quickly; as far as I know, guys from the central post will be collecting the mail during the next hour. Correspondences arriving after that will have to wait until tomorrow, and I didn't have the luxury of time.
"Lord, I'm sorry, I just have to run for the post office," I whispered as I passed by the chapel's entrance. The church is my first stop whenever I visit the university; I usually dropped in before wandering in the school grounds. But I wouldn't want to pray now with something else gnawing my mind. "When it's settled, I'll come back for you, I promise."
My feet knew exactly where to go and what pace to use, so I did not resist when echoes of days past flooded my memory. A particular person occupied my thoughts, given the location - and at this time of the year, too. I lost him two years before; in the next few days I could find him again... or lose him forever.
It did not take long to find myself walking by the Main Building. As my gaze focused ahead, my eyes widened in recognition. Could that possibly be...? "No. Oh no."
He had his back on me, but there was no mistaking it. I'd know him anywhere.
He was wearing civilian clothes; I figured their final exams are over and he's just attending to his obligations before finally graduating. Throughout college he worked for the school, you see, and I think his duties to the university will be done before he realizes it, considering that he's working full-time now.
He crossed the street and pushed open the door of the Student Health Service Center. I smiled. He was always the one sent to fetch Ponstan capsules whenever our boss experienced a touch of migraine. It was probably the reason why he went there just now.
Tears pooled in my eyes as I remembered last night's prayer: Lord, please help me let him go.
As if the mere sight of his back was not enough to turn my insides topsy-turvy, he turned, still holding the door, so he could close it properly. Then he looked up, his eyes slanted at the corners.
I looked away so suddenly tears spilled down my cheeks. I wiped them off as quickly as I could, and went inside the post office. Handing the envelope to the clerk, I asked brightly, "How much will I have to pay for priority mail?"
"That's twenty six pesos for you," she said, carefully placing stamps on the envelope. As she did this she kept glancing at me. She must think I'm crazy, I thought. I can't blame her, though. My heart held a myriad of emotions; a broken smile was the best I could manage.
I shook my head as I entered the chapel. "Nice one, that." I spoke in the silence. I gave a small bitter laugh. "Oh, Lord."
I stared at the altar with blurry eyes.
---
Do you not sense the pain
My broken heartstrings bring -
Not feel them coil around
My soul when I see you?
"Metal Tendrils", Angela Manalang Gloria
22 January 1928
It was past two in the afternoon. I hurried towards Noval Street, clutching an envelope containing my credentials. I must get to the school's post office quickly; as far as I know, guys from the central post will be collecting the mail during the next hour. Correspondences arriving after that will have to wait until tomorrow, and I didn't have the luxury of time.
"Lord, I'm sorry, I just have to run for the post office," I whispered as I passed by the chapel's entrance. The church is my first stop whenever I visit the university; I usually dropped in before wandering in the school grounds. But I wouldn't want to pray now with something else gnawing my mind. "When it's settled, I'll come back for you, I promise."
My feet knew exactly where to go and what pace to use, so I did not resist when echoes of days past flooded my memory. A particular person occupied my thoughts, given the location - and at this time of the year, too. I lost him two years before; in the next few days I could find him again... or lose him forever.
It did not take long to find myself walking by the Main Building. As my gaze focused ahead, my eyes widened in recognition. Could that possibly be...? "No. Oh no."
He had his back on me, but there was no mistaking it. I'd know him anywhere.
He was wearing civilian clothes; I figured their final exams are over and he's just attending to his obligations before finally graduating. Throughout college he worked for the school, you see, and I think his duties to the university will be done before he realizes it, considering that he's working full-time now.
He crossed the street and pushed open the door of the Student Health Service Center. I smiled. He was always the one sent to fetch Ponstan capsules whenever our boss experienced a touch of migraine. It was probably the reason why he went there just now.
Tears pooled in my eyes as I remembered last night's prayer: Lord, please help me let him go.
As if the mere sight of his back was not enough to turn my insides topsy-turvy, he turned, still holding the door, so he could close it properly. Then he looked up, his eyes slanted at the corners.
I looked away so suddenly tears spilled down my cheeks. I wiped them off as quickly as I could, and went inside the post office. Handing the envelope to the clerk, I asked brightly, "How much will I have to pay for priority mail?"
"That's twenty six pesos for you," she said, carefully placing stamps on the envelope. As she did this she kept glancing at me. She must think I'm crazy, I thought. I can't blame her, though. My heart held a myriad of emotions; a broken smile was the best I could manage.
I shook my head as I entered the chapel. "Nice one, that." I spoke in the silence. I gave a small bitter laugh. "Oh, Lord."
I stared at the altar with blurry eyes.
---
Do you not sense the pain
My broken heartstrings bring -
Not feel them coil around
My soul when I see you?
"Metal Tendrils", Angela Manalang Gloria
22 January 1928
posted @ 01:16 AM | 3 comments