Camz' entry regarding call center careers reminded me to finish a long-pending article on the subject.

Months ago I had a discussion with friends who are enjoying their final year in college. Juvy's sister works on the same contact center where I belong(ed), so my friend here mused about the probability of pursuing a call center career herself. I advised her to think about it thoroughly before actually venturing on this particular path after graduation. As I started to tell her the reasons why, another friend butted in, "Oo nga. Wag kang mag-call center... ekonomista ka."

From his tone one could read - Camz, if I may borrow your line - "Call center? Yak, yoko dun!"

I know the person well enough to know that the attack was not directed to me, thus I shouldn't take it personally. But being the ultra-sensitive goose that I am, all I could think of at the time was, "Salamat ha, sa call center ako nagtatrabaho!"

I won't resort to hypocrisy. I personally do not believe I'll be spending the remainder of my career in a contact center. As a matter of fact, I am currently looking for another job, but this is not because I feel that what the industry has to offer is so beneath me. I have other plans that I hope to carry out in the next few months, and with the crazy hours that I've been keeping while working here, I doubt that these plans would ever be realized. With a workload that demands more or less 12 hours from me everyday, I wouldn't have time to maintain decent grades if I take up further studies. I don't think I would even have time to guarantee my attendance.

I listen to calls all day and evaluate them according to a given set of standards. Easy enough? Maybe. There are calls you can describe as "smooth-sailing", but difficult calls aren't entirely non-existent. Once, it amused me to think that I could actually practice "lawyering" here, especially when I get sales where the line between valid and invalid is so thin. If you pull out such sales, you can expect Operations to retaliate the moment they read your report, citing reasons why the sale should be credited to the agent. These clarifications are considered, but if the Quality Team still deems the sale invalid, they must present "evidence" proving such judgment. It's just like arguing whether the defendant is guilty or not!

But I am drifting. I guess what I am trying to say is that although staying in the industry is out of the question, I am not condemning it either. My only advice to those who want to take advantage of this enterprise for practical purposes: If you have other plans, have the wisdom to know when it's time to let go.

Working at a contact center does not make me the greatest person in the world, but in reflection, I learned quite a lot during my short stay - not only additional skills, but life lessons as well. In my book, that's not too bad.

"Be thankful for what you have while working for what you want."

Sometimes I wonder at God's sense of humor.

It was past two in the afternoon. I hurried towards Noval Street, clutching an envelope containing my credentials. I must get to the school's post office quickly; as far as I know, guys from the central post will be collecting the mail during the next hour. Correspondences arriving after that will have to wait until tomorrow, and I didn't have the luxury of time.

"Lord, I'm sorry, I just have to run for the post office," I whispered as I passed by the chapel's entrance. The church is my first stop whenever I visit the university; I usually dropped in before wandering in the school grounds. But I wouldn't want to pray now with something else gnawing my mind. "When it's settled, I'll come back for you, I promise."

My feet knew exactly where to go and what pace to use, so I did not resist when echoes of days past flooded my memory. A particular person occupied my thoughts, given the location - and at this time of the year, too. I lost him two years before; in the next few days I could find him again... or lose him forever.

It did not take long to find myself walking by the Main Building. As my gaze focused ahead, my eyes widened in recognition. Could that possibly be...? "No. Oh no."

He had his back on me, but there was no mistaking it. I'd know him anywhere.

He was wearing civilian clothes; I figured their final exams are over and he's just attending to his obligations before finally graduating. Throughout college he worked for the school, you see, and I think his duties to the university will be done before he realizes it, considering that he's working full-time now.

He crossed the street and pushed open the door of the Student Health Service Center. I smiled. He was always the one sent to fetch Ponstan capsules whenever our boss experienced a touch of migraine. It was probably the reason why he went there just now.

Tears pooled in my eyes as I remembered last night's prayer: Lord, please help me let him go.

As if the mere sight of his back was not enough to turn my insides topsy-turvy, he turned, still holding the door, so he could close it properly. Then he looked up, his eyes slanted at the corners.

I looked away so suddenly tears spilled down my cheeks. I wiped them off as quickly as I could, and went inside the post office. Handing the envelope to the clerk, I asked brightly, "How much will I have to pay for priority mail?"

"That's twenty six pesos for you," she said, carefully placing stamps on the envelope. As she did this she kept glancing at me. She must think I'm crazy, I thought. I can't blame her, though. My heart held a myriad of emotions; a broken smile was the best I could manage.

I shook my head as I entered the chapel. "Nice one, that." I spoke in the silence. I gave a small bitter laugh. "Oh, Lord."

I stared at the altar with blurry eyes.

---

Do you not sense the pain
My broken heartstrings bring -
Not feel them coil around
My soul when I see you?

"Metal Tendrils", Angela Manalang Gloria
22 January 1928

The Film
The motion picture adaptation of the novel is definitely fast-paced; a lot of events in the book were removed in order to come up with a two-hour movie. On the other hand, small additions were made and some events were altered, to keep the story as compact as if there were no changes at all.

The cast's performance is as great as can be. It doesn't matter that the only Japanese actor was Ken Watanabe - the others were quite convincing. However, the supposed tear-jerker of the movie - the part where the Chairman confesses the depth of his influence in shaping Sayuri's life as a geisha, and the feelings behind them - did not quite succeed stirring my emotions as it did in the book. Perhaps this is because I expected the complete account of his confession to appear in the film as well - unfortunately, this cannot be because it would take too long to cover it. The makers had good intentions in pruning this part for practicalities, but in my opinion, the meaning just wasn't the same. Anyhow, my fellow moviegoers' sighs as they witnessed the scene unfold was proof enough that they understood the depth of it even (probably) without the advantage of having read the book. All in all, a nice movie.

Click here for the film's official website.




The Book
In a previous entry I mentioned how the novel moved me; now I will give you some excerpts personally chosen by yours truly. I hope you will find them enjoyable, if not thought-provoking.

... how rare it is for ordinary birds to give birth to a swan. The swan who goes on living in its parents' tree will die; this is why those who are beautiful and talented bear the burden of finding their own way in the world. Chapter 8

Some people have difficulty telling the difference between something great and something they've simply heard of. Chapter 9

We lead our lives like water flowing down a hill, going more or less in one direction until we splash into something that forces us to find a new course. Chapter 9

This is why dreams can be such dangerous things: they smolder on like a fire does, and sometimes consume us completely. Chapter 9

We must use whatever methods we can to understand the movement of the universe around us and time our actions so that we are not fighting the currents, but moving with them. Chapter 10

Grief is a most peculiar thing; we're so helpless in the face of it. It's like a window that will simply open of its own accord. The room grows cold, and we can do nothing but shiver. But it opens a little less each time, and a little less; and one day we wonder what has become of it. Chapter 22

Neither you nor I can know your destiny. You may never know it! Destiny isn't always like a party at the end of the evening. Sometimes it's nothing more than struggling through life from day to day. Chapter 25

Young girls hope all sorts of foolish things. Hopes are like hair ornaments. Girls want to wear too many of them. When they become old women they look silly wearing even one. Chapter 25

There's nothing like work for getting over a disappointment. Chapter 25

A woman living in a grand house may pride herself on all her lovely things; but the moment she hears the crackle of fire she decides very quickly which are the few she values most. Chapter 25

If you keep your destiny in mind, every moment in life becomes an opportunity for moving closer to it. Chapter 26

I never seek to defeat the man I am fighting. I seek to defeat his confidence. A mind troubled by doubt cannot focus on the course to victory. Two men are equals - true equals - only when they both have equal confidence. Chapter 27

A tree may look as beautiful as ever; but when you notice the insects infesting it, and the tips of the branches that are brown from disease, even the trunk seems to lose some of its magnificence. Chapter 27

When you want to break a board, cracking it in the middle is only the first step. Success comes when you bounce up and down with all your weight until the board snaps in half. Chapter 27

Nothing is bleaker than the future, except perhaps the past. Chapter 28

To be liked and to have true friends willing to help are two very different things. Chapter 28

Adversity is like a strong wind. I don't mean just that it holds us back from places we might otherwise go. It also tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that afterward we see ourselves as we really are, and not merely as we might like to be. Chapter 29

From this experience I understood the danger of focusing only on what isn't there. What if I came to the end of my life and realized that I'd spent every day watching for a man who would never come to me? What an unbearable sorrow it would be, to realize I'd never really tasted the things I'd eaten, or seen the places I'd been, because I thought of nothing but the Chairman even while my life was drifting away from me. And yet if I drew my thoughts back from him, what life would I have? I would be like a dancer who had practiced since childhood for a performance she would never give. Chapter 29

Sometimes we get through adversity only by imagining what the world might be like if our dreams should ever come true. Chapter 31

... when we feel pain, even the blossoming trees seem weighted with suffering to us... I would have found my pain reflected on anything I'd looked at. Chapter 34

We must always keep something to remember those who have left us. Chapter 34

Every step I have taken in my life... I have taken in the hope of bringing myself closer to you. Chapter 34

... although we may wish for the barb to be pulled from our flesh, it leaves behind a welt that doesn't heal. Chapter 35

How curious it is, what the future brings us. You must take care... never to expect too much. Chapter 35

Sometimes I think the things I remember are more real than the things I see. Chapter 35

As a younger woman I believed that passion must surely fade with age, just as a cup left standing in a room will gradually give up its contents to the air. But when the Chairman and I returned to my apartment, we drank each other up with so much yearning and need that afterward I felt myself drained of all the things the Chairman had taken from me, and yet filled with all that I had taken from him. Chapter 35

... his wife, whom he'd cared for deeply, wasn't really dead because the pleasure of their time together lived on inside him. I began to feel that all the people I'd ever known who had died or left me had not in fact gone away, but continued to live on inside me just as this man's wife lived on inside him. Chapter 35

I awoke with tears streaming down my temples, and I took the Chairman's hand, fearing that I would never be able to live without him when he died and left me. And yet when his death happened only a few months later, I understood that he left me at the end of his long life just as naturally as the leaves fall from the trees. Chapter 35

But now I know that our world is no more permanent than a wave rising on the ocean. Whatever struggles and triumphs, however we may suffer them, all too soon they bleed into a wash, just like watery ink on paper. Chapter 35

Parang ang hinhin ko nang minsang bagtasin ang kahabaan ng España. Maingat ang bawat hakbang. Oo, akong laging sinasabihan ng mga nakakakilala sa akin na parang barako kung maglakad - ngayo'y kaybagal! Akalain mo yun.

May nagbago ba?

Sa totoo lang, masakit lang ang paa ko. Suot ko kasi ang bagong sapatos na regalo ng tatay ko. Pero ayos lang. Nahihiya nga ako dahil nakuha pa nyang ipambili ng sapatos para sa akin ang kakarampot na sweldo nya mula sa gobyerno. Nahihiya ako dahil sa halip na sa sarili gastusin ay sa akin pa napunta, gayong may pera naman ako at kung tutuusin ay kayang-kayang bumili ng kahit anong luhong gustuhin.

Sa bawat ikatlong kalyeng malampasan ay humihinto ako, bahagyang inilalabas sa sapatos ang bawat paa para mapahinga sandali, tapos ay maglalakad uli.

Maluwat naman akong nakarating ng bahay. Sa aking pagdating napagtanto ko, siguro nga ganun ang pagmamahal ng isang magulang. May mga panahong masakit para sa anak, ngunit sa katapusan alam mong ang hangad lamang nila ay mapabuti ka.

---

May nakapagsabi sa akin noon na ang pinakamalaking impluwensya sa kapalaran ng isang anak ay ang mga pangarap na hindi natupad ng kanilang mga magulang. Ang tagumpay ng anak sa parehong larangan ay ang magiging realisasyon ng mga pangarap na ito.

May katotohanan naman ang nasabing kaisipan, at alam kong may maganda na ring ibinunga ito sa buhay ng ilang mga anak. Pero ika nga, "Different strokes for different folks." Hindi naman lahat ng anak ay nagiging "matagumpay" sa kapalarang pinili para sa kanila ng mga magulang. Ang madalas na dahilan, hindi naman kasi sa larangang ito humihimlay ang mga interes nila sa buhay. At ang nakakalungkot pa roon, hindi lahat ay nagkakaroon ng pagkakataon na umahon mula sa landas na kinasadlakan, para abutin ang sariling mga aspirasyon.

Sana, kapag naging magulang ako, ay magkaroon ako ng karunungang suriin kung ano ang pangarap ng magiging mga anak ko at kung ano ang kaya kong gawin para maging handa silang harapin ang daan papunta rito.

She looked breathtakingly beautiful in the early morning sunlight. I've known it all along, but seeing her again this way made me feel like it's my first time to take in all this loveliness.

With her, in her, I'm home

---

Earlier my sister was telling me about a batchmate who is getting married this summer. Both Thomasians, the couple decided to have a solemn ceremony at the Santisimo Rosario Parish (UST Chapel). I thought that was only natural. But do you know where the reception will be?

At the Benavides Garden, adjacent to the so-called Lovers' Lane.

How nice I wonder how they did it. But my sister told me her batchmate is now a professor in the university, so probably they had an advantage while placing the request to the people in charge of such things.

Back in college I used to tell my friends that I want to get married in the school grounds, but not in the chapel - the march will start at the Benavides monument and conclude at the Arch of the Centuries I even used to joke that my gown wouldn't have those trailing things at the hem, or else at the end of the march I would have gathered dry leaves, twigs, even a frog under my skirts. When I say "I do," the little rascal will echo my vows: Croak, croak!


Image copyright: UST EdTech.
Click here for the school's website.

After a series of interviews elsewhere, I decided to stop by my former office. It was only 11am; their (our? hehe ) shift has barely started. There were a lot of hugs and laughter, and of course, endless questions about how each is muddling through life right now. I even got quite emotional - there are times when you may not realize how much you miss people you used to spend your waking (and sleeping ) hours with until they're right in front of you, giggling hysterically.

Considering that we were so thrown together in the past few months, we shared a number of (un)forgettable moments. I'm sure there are a lot of things, but at my mind's surface, all I can say is...

Imagine the joy - the sheer ecstasy - of finally being able to log on into the system after racing along Ayala Avenue, sharing the elevator with a whole lot of people (meaning, more stopovers before you arrive at the right floor), and having your fingerprint unrecognized repeatedly by the scanner that validates your attendance. The time recorded for your log-in is 11.00.59. Truly, a single second can make or break your attendance record.

Sitting for twenty hours straight - your bottom is sore, your eyes are bulging out of their sockets, and you find yourself literally crawling back home at the day's end - only to find out tomorrow that somebody made changes somewhere in the task list sometime yesterday. Ergo, the workload that made your bottom sore and your eyes bulge out of their sockets, and the reason why you literally crawled back home at the day's end - is not really yours for the doing. The team's workload can now be classified into two: those that were evaluated twice, and those that remain untouched. Bite the bullet; shit happens.

Evaluating calls wherein the customer raises a lot of objections - you transcribe possible misleading statements, or watch out for missed lines in the script - but in the end, it's a clean call. You think you can die of hemorrhage while at it, but when it's over you'll just dismiss it with a laugh. All part of the day's job!

Long walks with a teammate in the middle of the night from PBCom Tower (V.A. Rufino) to EDSA, then riding an ordinary bus on your way home. By the time you reach Cubao, most of your hair has gotten into your mouth one way or the other.

I have no idea if we'll cross paths again, especially when time comes that we get so cooped up with our own lives. But the friendship that I had with them is guaranteed to be cherished even when they're not there.


eMusic Jam at the Ultra, December 2005
(company-wide Christmas party)
Third row, L-R: Jennnyboi, Ginger, Pauline
Second row, L-R: Vince (other program), Boom, Van, Jehan, Xandra, Mark, Makis, Alvin (other program), John, Junnie
Front row, L-R: JP, Ria (other program), Bob, Chat, April, Nica
Not in pic: TL Euf, TL Charity, Jennygirl, Chit, Lucille, Anna, Dhuds, Butz, Ren, Christine

I was able to catch the final airing of this movie today, courtesy of ArirangTV. Unfortunately, the film must have been on for about thirty minutes before I changed channels. That didn't stop me from grasping what must have happened, though, and I thoroughly enjoyed the film. I love Korean humor

The story revolves around a young couple who decides to move from Korea to America. The girl ends up going there first since the guy can't get his visa straightened out. Once he finally gets over to America to reunite with his girlfriend, he finds her drinking heavily and seeing another man. He vows to get her back at any cost.

I think the most touching part (hehe ) was when the chapel attendant in Vegas saw the girl's scar in her knee, and commented, "They say every scar has its story; what's yours?" The girl then remembers the boy's determination to win her even from the very beginning. You see, their first meeting was quite interesting. The boy, desperately wanting an opportunity to meet her, sticks out his foot and trips the girl. She noticed him, all right Crazy, maybe, but hey, it worked. He's lucky



Image from ArirangTV.com

DETAILS
Director: Yuk Sang-Hyo
Production Company: Korea Pictures Production
Year of Production: 2002
Running Time: 121
Cast:
- Cha In-pyo: IRON PALM
- Kim Yun-jin: JINNIE
- Park Kwang-jung: DONGSUK
- Charles Chun: ADMIRAL
- Angelines Santana: GLORIA

"Sa UST pala yung sunog kagabi."

I looked at my dad, my eyes blank. I just woke up and I was trying to decide whether Nissin Instant Cup Noodles would do for lunch. I'm not sure if I heard him right.

He handed me the newspaper and I started reading while he went on with the details. The fire started at around 6pm last night, he said, at a two-storey building serving as quarters for stay-in employees.

"... at isang binatang estudyante ang nasugatan nang mabagsakan ng nagbabagang kahoy makaraang tumulong sa pag-apula ng sunog..."

My heart thudded.

"... ang tinamong pinsala sa kaliwang binti at paa ng biktimang si Earl Espinosa, 21 anyos, ng P. Noval St., Sampaloc, Maynila."

I screamed.

OK, OK... so maybe I am overreacting. But the first thing that crossed my mind was when the guy used to sing "Can't Fight This Feeling" for me whenever we're on duty at TARC during my OFAD days. He'd tease me, saying it's my theme song for some guy we know Another thing was when he bagged an almost-perfect videoke score for his rendition of Sexbomb... may dance steps pa

Good thing he was immediately given the help he needed. I hope he'll be well enough to attend his graduation march - I don't know when will Engineering students have it.

Meanwhile, let's pray for his fast recovery.

My pillow is damp from tears. My eyes are puffy, my cheeks wet. It's hard to breathe. I can't eat. I probably wouldn't sleep. This dull ache saturates my entire being.

I wish I could have a piece of that smile again.

---

"Thanks for being part of my life."

Am I still?

---

"Nalulungkot ka. Bakit, ako ba yung lumayo?"

I've paid the price; I'm still paying for it everyday.

---

you made it.
congratulations.
am really proud of you. as always.
keep faith.
i love you.