When I start wanting something, it scrams. I screw it up.

Here's a company you really, really want to get into. Your jaw dropped upon learning that you passed their written exam, because you felt your brains scrambling for dear life while you're at it. Your eyes bulged when you got a call scheduling you for an interview, because you never expected to hear from them again.

That fateful day, you woke up early, prepared yourself for the biggest battle of your life, only to be sent home weeping for one simple, but heavy, reason:

You were late.

There's no use blaming the weather or the traffic, or saying that you were supposed to arrive thirty minutes earlier than the appointed time. Whatever explanations you may have, or how hard you may swear it in the name of God, the fact remains: you were late.

... And your papers were returned to the HR Department (located in another city, by the way).
... And when you inquired at the HRD about the possibility of a reschedule, they tell you to wait for their call.
... And when you asked when that would be, all that they can say is, "I will give you a call."

The lady sounded reassuring, but fear is still gnawing my insides.

Putangina. Putangina.

The most irresponsible thing, kahit sabihing hindi sinadya. I can't forgive myself for this.

Bobo. Tanga. Gaga.

If it were another person in my shoes, I would've said: Too bad, but life must go on. Keep on looking; maybe something better is in store for you.

Pero... shit! What on earth could be better?? I can't let this one go! Sana nung exam pa lang bumagsak na ako! Now it looks like I've lost nang walang kalaban-laban... the chance just slipped through my fingers, and it's my fucking fault. Bakit ngayon pa ito nangyari?!

And please, don't rub it in. I've already heard it from my most vicious critic: myself.

Could I just lie down and die?