For Shiva


I was there when her vagina opened.
We were all there: her mother, her husband, and I,
and the nurse from the Ukraine with her whole hand
up there in her vagina feeling and turning with her rubber
glove as she talked casually to us -- like she was turning on a loaded faucet.

I was there in the room when the contractions
made her crawl on all fours,
made unfamiliar moans leak out of her pores
and still there after hours when she just screamed suddenly
wild, her arms striking at the electric air.

I was there when her vagina changed
from a shy sexual hole
to an archeological tunnel, a sacred vessel,
a Venetian canal, a deep well with a tiny stuck child inside waiting to be rescued.

I saw the colors of her vagina. They changed.
Saw the bruised broken blue
the blistering tomato red
the gray pink, the dark;
saw the blood like perspiration along the edges
saw the yellow, white liquid, the shit, the clots
pushing out all the holes, pushing harder and harder,
saw through the hole, the baby's head
scratches of black hair, saw it just there behind
the bone -- a hard round memory,
as the nurse from the Ukraine kept turning and turning
her slippery hand.

I was there when each of us, her mother and I,
held a leg and spread her wide pushing
with all our strength against her pushing
and her husband sternly counting, "One, two, three,"
telling her to focus, harder.
We looked into her then.
We couldn't get our eyes out of that place.

We forget the vagina, all of us
what else would explain
our lack of awe, our lack of wonder.

I was there when the doctor
reached in with Alice in Wonderland spoons
and there as her vagina became a wide operatic mouth
singing with all its strength;
first the little head, then the gray flopping arm, then the fast
swimming body. swimming quickly into our weeping arms.

I was there later when I just turned and faced her vagina.
I stood and let myself see
her all spread, completely exposed
mutilated, swollen, and torn,
bleeding all over the doctor's hands
who was calmly sewing her there.

I stood, and as I stared, her vagina suddely
became a wide red pulsing heart.

The heart is capable of sacrifice.
So is the vagina.
The heart is able to forgive and repair.
It can change its shape to let us in.
It can expand to let us out.
So can the vagina.
It can ache for us and stretch for us, die for us
and bleed and bleed us into this difficult, wondrous world.
So can the vagina.
I was there in the room.
I remember.


**From The Vagina Monologues by Eve Ensler.
**For my mom, and all mothers...



My mom @ 18 years. Cool huh..?!

Yup, I received my second pay today [yesterday]! Bought a pair of shoes and ate out with Ate Glad and Donz after work.

A bit extravagant for me? Nah... I'm not an impulsive spender; I've been planning to buy a pair for some time (cos my heels are already killing me! ). To tell you the truth, I felt weird while going through the motions. It's both overwhelming and kinda frightening to spend your hard-earned money to *yourself*. I mean, I worked too back in college, but that's within my school so it's different somehow, and well... I never really had the chance to spend the dough cos I had to pay it back to UST in time for my exams!

I didn't spend it all, don't worry; I still have more than half of it intact. Have to save up for something else (i.e., law school). Oh, life...

*WHAPAK! WHAPAK! WHAPAK!*

Child: Mommy, nag-aaway na naman ba kayo ni Daddy?
Mom: Kailangan pa bang i-memorize yan?? Bisyo na 'to!!!

*WHAPAK! WHAPAK! WHAPAK!*

*LAUGHTER*

* * * * *

I find nothing funny here. Just what kind of values are you promoting?

The advertisement has served its purpose. It caught attention. Well, it certainly caught mine. But like I said, the message is just not good.

This morning my parents were supposed to go at our house in Bulacan. To do some cleaning, I guess. Well on the way my dad "couldn't breathe" so they checked in to a nearby hospital. In two hours they were home again; nevermind Bulacan.

Cold fear dwelled in my heart upon hearing the news. But... I just wish he'd cut down on cigarettes and liquor.

You see, two years before he was confined in the ICU... something in his heart. I was the one who brought him in the hospital that time. I just turned 18 then, and I remember crying in the hospital cos I felt that this is too much for me to handle.

We should've learned our lessons by now.

KAMASUPRA - Eraserheads

Sampung buwan na akong hindi natutulog
Kasi naman, ang ingay ng aming kapitbahay
Pag gabi, disco house at videoke
Kaya't sorry na lang kung wala sa aking sarili
Mahal kita... pero miss na miss na miss ko na
Ang aking kama, at ang malupit kong unan
Ba't di ka na lang sumama?
Hihiga tayo at kakanta

Masarap matulog
Lalong-lalo na pag umuulan
Wag kang matakot
Sa pungay ng aking mga mata
Napuyat lang
Nagyaya si Medwin kagabi sa kanila
Kami'y nagkantahan ng "Muntik Nang Maabot Ang Langit"
Kaya naman ngayo'y nasasabik
Sa aking kama, at ang malupit kong unan
Ba't di ka na lang sumama?
Hihiga tayo at kakanta

Mahal kita
Pero miss na miss na miss ko na
Ang aking kama
At ang malupit kong unan
Ba't di ka na lang sumama?
Hihiga tayo at kakanta
Sa aking kama
At ang malupit kong kumot
Ba't di ka na lang sumama?
Hihiga tayo at kakanta...

Naalala ko lang bigla yung biro ni TL Ian kay Donna... "katawang babae, bitukang lalake... kain-pahinante..."

... but I'm not sure, pababa na kasi ako ng FX nun eh. This is originally a Korean song. Astig ang vid nito.


BECAUSE I'M A GIRL - Kiss


I just can't understand the hearts of men
They tell you they want you and then they leave you
This is the first time
You're special
I believed those words
And I was so happy

* You should have told me you didn't like me anymore
But I couldn't see that and you just rushed me
Although I will curse you
I'll still miss you
Since I am a girl
To whom love is everything

I heard that if you give up things too easily
To a man, he will get bored with you
I don't think this is wrong
A girl says that she will never be fooled again
But she will fall in love again

[Repeat *]

Hey babe
The pain
It's not enough to describe how I feel
We were so happy together
But I know now
I've been blind
You told me that you'd never let me down
Whenever I needed you you'd always be here
I can forgive but I can't forget
Even though you hurt me
I still love you... I still love you...

Don't take advantage of a girl's willingness
To do anything for love and her caring instinct
I didn't know that
To be born as a girl
And to be loved
Was so hard

Although I will curse you I'll still miss you
Since I am a girl, to whom love is everything
Although I will curse you I'll still miss you
Since I am a girl, to whom love is everything...

Mau, a childhood friend, sent me a message a few days ago, asking me to attend her debut. She wants me to be one of the eighteen candles.

I'm really surprised, and touched. Yet I can't help feeling like I don't deserve the honor.

Don't get me wrong. They moved away many years ago. I never saw her grow up; what do I know about her? And the last time we saw each other again was not really a happy scene: the burial of her cousin Jojo (also a childhood friend of mine).

But I'll be there, still.

Natatawa ako. The characters are named Anito, Tala, etc. - sounding authentically Tagalog. Tapos biglang... PATUTINA.



And when the demon played by Emilio Garcia appeared in the scene, lalo akong natawa. Engkanto daw sya pero nakamaong. What a fashion statement...



Grabe napakamapanlait ko talaga...

This morning I made calls as usual, converting applications into turn-ins. One of them was of a concert master at San Miguel's PhilHarmonic Orchestra... the application is ready for turn-in except for the info about the personal reference. I need a company name and a business address. I cannot talk to him cos "nasa rehearsal sya," according to the female voice that received my inquiry. Oh well. So I just dialled the number written in the personal reference field, not knowing what to expect.

The referral herself answered. I explained the reason why I called, and when I asked what company she's working for, she told me that she doesn't really have a job right now cos she just took the board for accountancy. I said, "Talaga?!," excitement raging in my veins. I have some friends who took the exam too, you see. Michelle (the referral) screamed all of a sudden. She said she's "napa-praning na."

So we talked. I asked when the results are going to be released. She said it's tonight, at 8pm! (last night, that is). That's why she's feeling cold all over!! I completely understand!! I asked her what her middle name was, and she laughed and teased me that I am going to look up her results. I also mentioned that I live near PRC (Professional Regulation Commission - that's the exam-giving body and also where the results are gonna be posted) so it's totally accessible to me. She said she cannot wait for her review center's call.

We cannot stop laughing, that's for sure. For no reason at all. She made my day, you know. She's like a breath of fresh air after somebody passed gas in this cramped office (what a comparison... hahahaha... )

I haven't looked up the results yet, but I hope she passed.

Anyway, I'd like to congratulate EMILY D. NAZ for making it in the CPA Board!! *Sabe ko sau kaya mo yan eh... *

(I'll wait for the results to see where exactly in the top 20 did she land... weee...!! )

Hello my friend, we meet again
It's been awhile, where should we begin?
Feels like forever
Within my heart a memory
A perfect love that you gave to me
Oh, I remember

When you are with me
I'm free... I'm careless... I believe
Above all the others we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
My sacrifice

We've seen our share of ups and downs
Oh, how quickly life can turn around
In an instant
It feels so good to reunite
Within your soul and within your mind
Let's find peace there

When you are with me
I'm free... I'm careless... I believe
Above all the others we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
My sacrifice

I just want to say hello again
I just want to say hello again

When you are with me
I'm free... I'm careless... I believe
Above all the others we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes

When you are with me
I'm free... I'm careless... I believe
Above all the others we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
My sacrifice
My sacrifice

I just want to say hello again

My sacrifice

* * * * *

I'm just so happy that you're still with me despite the time and now, the distance. No matter how ironic it is. I don't believe we've laid eyes on each other for a dozen times in the past four years. But here we are! May nadiskubre pa ako dahil sa 'yo... hahahaha...

I was so angry this afternoon.

At lunch time I went to the reception area to buy more rice for me and Ate Gladz. On my way back to our cubicles I passed by the people from another channel with whom we share office space. Somebody - I won't name names - told me that one of her officemates has something to say to me. So I stopped and looked inquiringly at them, waiting for whatever it is they wanna say. The person she pointed at shook her head guiltily while murmuring "Wala yun, wala yun..." I asked, "Bakit, ano ba yun?," then one of the group answered, "Virgin ka pa raw sabi nya." Others stifled their laughter.

I was, like, "Huh?" (self-explanatory) but I just said, "Oo..." The group laughed. Somebody interjected, "Um-oo nman sya..."

I turned my back on them while saying, "Yes! I am a proud virgin!" making my way back to my cubicle. In my anger I threw my coin purse to our table, where the rest of my teammates are having their lunch. My boss looked up from the PC and asked me, "Why, why?" I didn't answer cos I am certain that if I started talking, I might say something ugly. And, knowing the temperament of my boss, he will just raise hell; he'll probably talk with their boss and they'll have a good spanking. And who will those losers blame? Me, of course.

This is not the first time, actually. Last Friday Ate Gladz and I had drinks at Caffe Agogo (with the same people). She introduced me to them, and the first question they threw me was, "Ilang taon ka na?"

"Twenty."

"Virgin ka pa?"

I was surprised. No, I was appalled. What an inquiry to someone you just met formally (I've been with them for a month, but I do not work with them directly - we belong to different channels, as I have mentioned earlier. I have no time to care; I've tons of things to do). I chose to go with the flow, trying to understand the way their brains function. This is certainly not the way mine does. I said, "Oo." In my mind I was, like, "Duh?? Eh ano ngayon??"

"Ha??," the same person replied, sounding like I have some kind of disease. "Pero may boyfriend ka na?"

"Wala."

Some of them laughed. The person behind the one I was speaking with said, "Ano ka ba. Mag-boyfriend ka."

"Oo nga, gamitin mo yang keps mo, baka maluma..." another voice said.

I didn't bother to reply. I just talked to Ate Gladz and her husband. At least with them I am having real conversation, not this shit. Later we went to their house in Cainta for more drinks. Our teammates from the booth will be there after packing up in the malls. La-di-dah... the rest is history.

I can probably understand why they asked me that question last Friday - in the first place, the reason why they were in Caffe Agogo is that the last one in their group who has her virginity intact just had her "first time" and they wanna celebrate it. So sex is in the air. Fine.

But... this shit, at this time and place?

How rude. And we are not close enough for them to speak to me like that. Well. Even my close friends... they do not speak to me like that. We fool around, yeah, but we still respect each other. Not like this. Definitely not like this.

I'm not saying that having sex is bad. That's your choice. But be careful with what you say, especially with people you don't really know.

I am no goody-goody, but I am not a bitch either.

Respect begets respect.

**Yucky... hee-hee... wala lang narinig ko sa FX kaya nakangiti tuloy ako sa kawalan mula sa tulay ng Shaw hanggang likod ng Megamall... **


After some time I've finally made up my mind
She is the girl and I really want to make her mine
I'm searching everywhere to find her again
To tell her I love her
And I'm sorry 'bout the things I've done

I found her standing in front of the church
The only place in town where I didn't search
She looks so happy in her wedding dress
But she's crying while she's saying this

CHORUS
Boy, I miss your kisses
All the time, but this is
Twenty five minutes too late
Though you travelled so far
Boy, I'm sorry you are
Twenty five minutes too late

Against the wind I'm going home again
Wishing me back to the time when we were more than friends

But still I see her in front of the church
The only place in town where I didn't search
She looks so happy in her wedding dress
But she cried while she was saying this

REPEAT CHORUS

Out in the streets
Places where hungry hearts have nothing to eat
Inside my head
Still I can hear the words she said

REPEAT CHORUS

I can still hear her say...

Wag iinom unless makikitulog sa ibang bahay. Mahirap tumawid at mahirap mag-commute kung hilo ka.

I have just wasted a hundred and fifty bucks.

We rented five movies last week, all are due Wednesday and whoop-de-do... I forgot all about it! My sister forgot too (tsk-tsk... bad combination). On our way home this evening, the bus passed by an ATM machine... I saw the MasterCard logo... this led me to think about work... what's better, Visa or MC? I recalled one thing our channel manager said: SCB pushes for the Visa Card... it has the same functionalities as MC but more merchants recognize it now... blah-blah-blah... "or so they led us to believe," I thought. I do not have a credit card... all I know is what they told me... all I perceive to be true is what they said. This thought brought to mind Selene (Kate Beckinsale) in Underworld, cos she didn't really know what started the war between vampires and werewolves, all she knew was what Viktor (the strongest and oldest vampire) told her... UNDERWORLD! It's one of the movies we rented! Has everything been returned??

(Amazing how your brain can connect everything, even the most unrelated things... that's a good thing for today, I guess).

I had to run through the pouring rain just to return them. I didn't wait for another day cos doing so will cost me another fifty pesos.

Shit, I could've bought a shirt instead...

Nitong nakaraang linggo ay may dalawang taong naging mabait sa akin kahit na hindi nila ako gaanong kilala.

Hindi ko na maalala kung kelan, Miyerkules yata... dumaan ako sa Shangri-La upang magdala ng supplies sa booth. Alas-otso na ako nakarating kaya sinabayan ko na lang ng uwi ang teammates ko, tutal isang oras na lang naman at kami'y magsasara na. Bale nung malapit na ako sa amin ay halos alas-diyes na. Sa Vicente Cruz bumaba ang huling pasahero ng FX na sinakyan ko; tinanong ako ng driver kung sa Quiapo ba ako bababa. Ipinaalala kong sa Mendiola dapat, ngunit delikado na kaya kung maglalakad ako sa Recto nang ganitong oras? Saan ka ba nakatira, sabi nya. Morayta, sagot ko naman. At sya'y nagprisinta na ihatid ako sa bahay namin.

Natural na siguro yun dahil ako na ang huling pasahero nya, ngunit natuwa pa rin ako sapagkat hindi ko na kinailangang maglakad ng pagkahaba-haba. Mukha namang bukal sa loob nya ang paghahatid sa akin dahil nakipagkwentuhan pa sya.

Nung Biyernes naman ay inabutan ako ng ulan pagkatapos ng trabaho. Malas, wala akong dalang payong. Panyo ko na lamang ang ginamit kong proteksyon sa ulo ko kahit na wala halos maitulong ito. Sa pagitan ng JMT at El Pueblo, meron akong kasamang naglalakad. Sa di-malamang dahilan ay napalingon sya, "Share?" at ako'y pinayungan bago pa ako makapagsalita.

Natawa na lamang ako at sabi, "Sige..." (malabong sagot; pwedeng oo, pwedeng hindi). Paglabas namin ng ADB Avenue, tanong nya, "Saan ka, sa Podium?"

"No, sir, sa Megamall. Thanks!"

"Sige, ingat ka."

Wala lang, bihira na kasi yung mga ganun. Parang yung nag-offer sa akin ng seat noon sa MRT. Ang galing nyo, men! Kakaiba kayo!

Teet-teet-teet!

Remember:
2004.11.05
kame ü 1

Onga eh.

Talaga lang.

Holidays, even All Souls' Day, are always a reason (or an excuse - ) to reunite with relatives that you haven't seen for a long time. Last October 31 we had such a gathering... at my grandfather's grave. Aside from the usual kumustahan - well, what topics they had! I cannot believe that they are discussing memorial plans and price ranges of lots at different memorial parks! (Can you believe that almost all of them have already chosen their resting place?! And nobody's reached the age of 50 yet! Whoa!) Brought on by the spirit of the day, I guess. But I still found listening to them unsettling. They're just preparing for something inevitable, true, but that time, it almost felt like... they are looking forward to it...

Today I "trained" the "new" converter, Madel. Para ngang ayoko pa syang turuan, kasi nandun pa si Rachelle. I mean - makakapagturo ka ba ng maayos kung ang tinuturuan mo ay ang nakatakdang pumalit sa isang taong walang kamalay-malay na malapit na syang mawalan ng trabaho?! Tapos tatanungin ka pa ng incumbent kung bakit kaya sya gustong kausapin ng bossing kinabukasan. Isip ko na lang ang nagsasalita: Last day mo na bukas, lola!

Grabe, talagang matatanggal na sya?! Nakakaawa naman. Mabait naman kasi sya; hindi yung tipong nasa loob ang kulo. Yun nga lang, hanggang ngayon marami pa syang bagay na nakakaligtaan - eh sa trabahong ito, dapat keen sa details. Pero in fairness naman, merong improvement kahit konti. Kaya lang mukhang huli na ang lahat, nakatatak na kasi sa utak ni Sir yung performance nya noon eh... at nakadagdag pa dun ang performance ng TL nya, na sa kasamaang-palad ay hindi nga kagandahan.

Minsan nga, naiisip ko, baka kasalanan ko kung bakit ganun ang turn-ins nya... baka hindi ko sya naturuang mabuti... blah-blah-blah. Pero... ilang weeks na ba kaming puro ganito ang ginagawa, di ba? Paulit-ulit pa ang turo ko sa kanya. Nakapag-train naman ako ng tatlong tao before her, OK naman ang performance nila. Bakit ganun??

Hay naku...

Well wish ko lang nakuha naman ni Madel lahat ng pinagsasabi ko sa kanya kanina. Ingat na ingat nga ako eh, baka kasi mag-information overload ito at hindi na magpakita kinabukasan Puro technicalities lang muna; kahit naman anong sabihin ko, iba pa rin ang feeling kapag humawak na sya ng papel. Pagbutihin nya kundi... SPANK SPANK SPANK!!!

Somewhere in Sta. Mesa there exists a *Christian* school... I could only stifle my laughter when I noticed that around it, motels are rampant.

Yikee...

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness,
that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't
serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so
that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God
that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission
to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.


- Nelson Mandela, 1994

I sure don't. But here I am.

What if two people you have so much faith in, to whom you share every thought that pops in your head, throw accusations at each other? A said that B did something in the past that made her think twice about B's character. Days later B says exactly the same thing about A. They do not know what I know; they do not know that I am stuck in the middle, wondering what to believe in, or if I should still believe. I am disillusioned. Who did what, really?

And it's sad cos now I am thinking, how well do I *really* know you? Both of you?

"Happy people are those who are able to accept the verdict of the past and forgive themselves for being part of it."

When will I be happy then? Cos I haven't forgiven myself. I cannot forgive myself. Not yet.

I'm sure all of you have at least one friend who loves to flood Friendster's bulletin board with their Q&As - I used to be one of those people It served as my outlet when I was "bitter" and "confused" about an event that seemed to take away everything that mattered to me. *I was obsessed with surveys!* I'd post ten of them everytime I log in to Friendster (of course, I do not answer them when I am online - that would be a waste of internet hours. I copy and paste the questions to Notepad and type away when I am offline.)

Some people in my friends list were cheerful about this - especially those who are fond of surveys too. I thought then, laughing, that I was making a "career" out of this... But one day a friend sent me a message... I haven't read all of it but the gist was that I should refrain from flooding the board. In fairness to her, she told me her request in a humane way, even if we do not know each other personally - we just met in an online community. As a result, I complied with no hard feelings

And, in a way, I got tired of answering those questionnaires... nothing's new lately anyway...

If I saw something worth answering again, I'll post it here instead...

Yesterday morning, I glimpsed in Magandang Umaga Bayan the news about Prana Escalante, a young adventuress who met an unfortunate accident in Mt. Halcon (a fellow Thomasian nonetheless). It's really sad; reminds you how fragile life could be sometimes. And you'll feel ashamed feeling pressured about petty problems when out there, other people suffer even more.


Missing Mt. Halcon mountaineer found dead
Updated 03:34am (Mla time) Nov 12, 2004
By Madonna T. Virola
Inquirer News Service

Editor's Note: Published on page A1 of the November 12, 2004 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer


BACO, Mindoro Oriental, Philippines -- Rescuers have found the decomposing body of a woman mountaineer who had been reported missing 13 days ago while trying to catch up with fellow climbers to Mount Halcon in Oriental Mindoro.

Prana Escalante, 21, a graduating nursing student of the University of Santo Tomas and member of the UST Mountaineering Club, was sighted on Wednesday midnight by Mangyan members of the rescue team in Ilog Lantuyang, between Barangays Lantuyang and Mayabig, here.

Supt. Marcos Flores, Occidental Mindoro police director, said the ground rescuers had a hard time retrieving Escalante's body, while a Philippine Air Force helicopter spent many hours of maneuvering through thick clouds and rains in trying to reach the area, some 2,000 feet above sea level.

Father waiting

The body was finally recovered at around 4 p.m. yesterday, according to one of the rescuers, Manuel Guillermo of the PAF. It was placed in a green bag, which was picked up by helicopter in a nearby clearing in Sitio Ayang Bukop, Barangay Bayanan, and brought to the municipal hall grounds where Escalante's father Antonio and other people were waiting.

Halcon is part of a mountainous range dividing Mindoro Island into two provinces and has the most extensive open heath vegetation among Philippine mountains.

According to a biodiversity expert, the ascent to Halcon's summit takes two to three days of "almost continuous vertical climbs and steep descents, holding only onto branches and exposed roots, fording rivers, passing along steep cliffs and rocky walls and being bitten by forest leeches."

'Sweet' daughter

Escalante's father, a farmer from Gubat, Sorsogon, told the Inquirer that he did not expect Prana to be so strong-willed. He described her as "very sweet, malambing, mabiro and easy-go-lucky."

Escalante arrived at the pier in Calapan City in the afternoon of Oct. 29, a day after her mountaineering companions, numbering about 20, had already taken off in Lantuyang here. She hired a tricycle and reached the village at around 1 a.m.

She stayed in the house of a villager, Cherry Macaraig, and began her ascent at around 6 a.m., said Renato Pobillo, president of the Halcon Mountaineers.

On Nov. 2, Escalante's group came down the mountain, but without her.

Wrong route

She might have taken the wrong route, Flores said during a meeting with PAF personnel led by Capt. Noel Plotado, Baco Mayor Graciano de la Chica, and several journalists. "Instead of going straight, she turned left."

Pobillo said Escalante might have slipped and fell into the river strewn with rocks.

Flores said the Mangyan rescuers found her body but did not touch it. They instead went to the base camp in Lantuyang at the foot of Halcon, some six hours of trekking, and reported to the barangay chair, Cenon Pongkok, who is also a Mangyan.

The body was brought to the Baco rural health unit beside the municipal hall for examination. Her personal belongings have been placed in a native bag.

Numerous contusions

It was "decomposing," said Dr. Ernesto Samaco, the municipal health officer. "Maraming tama ang katawan, malamang nadulas. Intact ang katawan (The body is intact but has numerous contusions. She might have slipped)."

Samaco dismissed the idea of foul play.

Escalante's body was brought to a funeral parlor in Calapan City, an hour-long ride from Baco, at around 5 p.m.

Antonio wanted to bring his youngest child back to Sorsogon as soon as possible. He expressed gratitude and admiration to all those who helped in the search for his daughter.

Among those in the rescue team were members of the PAF's 505th Wing, 409th Provincial Mobile Group in Oriental Mindoro, Baco police, five Mangyans and other volunteers.

401, 403, 405...

The hallway seemed neverending. Ordinarily one would think it's a lonely and dreary place, but for me whose eyes darted from door to door, whose heart beat in a crazy rhythm, nothing made sense anymore but the numbers posted on top of every door.

413. At last. I peeped inside through his door's small glass window. His sleeping face is of course a little thinner, a little paler than usual, but still, an avalanche of emotions swept me inside.

I took a step forward, paused, then stepped back. I wanted to touch him, rest my hand on his cheek, brush back the locks that littered his forehead, but all I can do is stare, frozen where I stood. On the outside, looking in.

As I stared I can't help remembering the times when we were just plain happy, the times when he showed extraordinary concern for me, the times when I wondered if he loved me the way I loved him. But at the back of my mind, I knew, he'll always look at me as a friend - the girl who for countless hours exchanged green jokes with him over the phone, the girl with whom he collaborated in finishing school requirements, the girl he shared his stamp collection with. I'll always be the girl who encouraged him to speak out his feelings for the one he's starry-eyed for, the girl who rejoiced upon knowing romance is his at last, and the girl whose shoulder he cried on when this love proved untrue to him after all. I tried to see him the way he saw me, but every time I look at him I see someone who's not just a friend but also a person who's everything to me.

I was scared at first; this weird emotion surely felt threatening. Resistance proved useless, though; no matter how hard I try not to notice, he always finds a way to warm my heart... unknowingly at that. It was then that I started to wear this mask - the face of a friend he once knew. I cannot afford to let him see the girl deep inside me, who is hopelessly, irrevocably in love with him. The situation is scary enough for me; it would be unbearable if he'd be scared off as well.

He stirred, snatching me from my reverie. I pushed his door open and put on my mask - just before he looked up at me. I smiled at him, once again the girl he calls "BESTFRIEND".


© chat 12.30.02

(c) 13 April 2004 - 28 April 2004


Prologue

Noong second year college ako, bumagsak ako sa Fundamentals of Accounting, o yung tinatawag na Acctg 1A&B. Hindi ko na idedetalye kung paano nangyari yun, kasi iba at mahabang usapan pa yun. Basta ang masasabi ko lang, naging instrumento yon para mabago ang direksyon ng buhay ko. Paano? Sige, basa.

Napunta ako sa PM session noong sumunod na taon, nung magme-major na ako (masakit mang isipin at ayaw man nilang aminin pero tingin ko, dahil yun sa naging deficiency ko. Syempre lahat "daw" ng matatalino ay nasa AM sections. Pero lumilihis na naman ako sa usapan). Isang araw, nakita kong may sinasagutang papel yung kaklase ko. Syempre FC (feeling close) naman ako, tinanong ko sya kung ano yun. Application form pala yun para maging isang student assistant.

Nananalaytay pa naman sa dugo ko noong mga panahong yon ang paghihimagsik. Bitter kasi ako noon, kaya sumumpa ako sa sariling patutunayan kong hindi porke bumagsak ka, wala ka nang kwentang tao. Kahit may deficiency ka noon, tapos PM ka pa ngayon, may potensyal ka pa ring umunlad. Kaya nagtungo ako sa Office for Student Admissions (OFAD) ng aming unibersidad para makakuha rin ng nasabing application form. Doon nagsimula ang lahat.

* * *
Isa akong magalang na bata pagkuha ko nung form… isinuot ko pa talaga ang ID ko bago ako kumatok sa pintuan (nasa bulsa lang kasi lagi… hehehe )! Mabuti na lamang at noong araw na yun ako kumuha ng form, kasi kinabukasan pala ang huling araw ng pagpapasa ng requirements.

Namrublema pa ako sapagkat yung kasabay kong si Agnes ay mukhang magba-backout. Alam mo naman tayo, may tendency na umayaw sa pagsubok ng mga bagong bagay kung wala kang kasama. Pero ayaw ko talagang palampasin ito! Kaya naman mega-pilit ako sa kanya. Sa kabutihang-palad ay sinamahan pa rin nya ako.

Ngunit hindi pala roon nagtatapos ang mga balakid sa pag-unlad. Kasabay ng interview ko sa OFAD ang qualifying exam para sa The Executives (publikasyon ng Junior Chamber of Business Administrators ng UST) na nais ko ring salihan. Ayaw ko namang pagsabayin; baka hindi ko magampanang mabuti. Naisip ko, pwede pa rin naman akong magsulat kahit hindi ako staff ng org publication di ba? So pinili ko ang OFAD.

Nakakatakot! Parang ang taray ng interviewer! Pero nilakasan ko na lamang ang aking loob, at medyo nagpatawa pa ako. Sabi ko nung tinanong nya ang aking edad, "Seventeen going eighteen." Korni, pero at least napangiti sya

Sa katapusan ng linggo, ipinaskil nila ang listahan ng mga nakapasa, pati ang schedule sa darating na linggo (July 1 to 6). Aba, aba, aba… may sched agad ako. Maganda ito.



SAs in Action

Naaalala ko pa noong kasagsagan ng application sa Education Building. Abala ako masyado sa pag-eencode, pagpi-print at pagreresibo ng entrance exam permits, kaya wala akong kamalay-malay sa mga nagaganap sa aking kapaligiran. Akin na lamang napagtanto na may kung anong nakalawit mula sa manggas ng aking uniporme. Pagtingin ko… o, anong kahihiyan! Natanggal pala ang strap ng panloob ko.

Nagkatitigan kami ng lalaking kasalukuyang kumukuha ng permit. (Buti sana kung sya ay isang inosenteng aplikante, ngunit hindi! Mas matanda sya sa akin ng isa o dalawang taon - kapatid yata nya yung incoming freshman - kaya lalong nakakahiya.) Nagpalipat-lipat ang aking mata sa kanyang mukha at sa nakalawit kong strap. Medyo napangiti sya habang sinasabing, "OK lang yan."

Diyos ko, batid nya ang kalunos-lunos kong kinalalagyan! O, hindi!

Tinawag ko ang aking kasamang si Karen para pansamantalang ituloy ang aking ginagawa (buti na lang may katuwang ako noon, hindi ba? Isipin mo na lamang kung mag-isa lang ako noon!), sabay takbo sa CR.

Wala pang isang minuto, balik-trabaho na ulit ako, na para bang walang nangyari.

DARNA!!!

* * *
Masalimuot ang buwan ng Enero para sa akin. Dumadalang na kasi ang pagpasok sa trabaho ng ilan kong kasama, lalo na kapag umaga. Ang resulta? Mag-isa akong pinapapunta sa Education Building.

OK lang yun; hindi naman ako maarteng tao ("barubal" pa nga, hindi ba?). Medyo nakakahiya lamang kasi nakauniporme ako ng puti at nakatakong, mukha akong kagalang-galang, pero heto ako't nagtutulak ng trolley! Ang laman ng trolley ay ang mga sumusunod: isang kahong ang nasa loob ay blank permits, viewbooks, flyers, application forms, resibo, paper clips, staple wires, staplers, ballpens, at bote ng insect spray kasi malamok (pwede ring sandata ito kapag may nagtangka sa buhay mo roon); at isang maingay na cashbox.

Maingay po sya, opo! Bawat paggulong ng trolley ay meron syang tunog. Kahit gaano ko pa dahan-dahanin ang pagpapatakbo ng trolley, ayaw pa rin nyang tumahimik. Nasanay din ako pagtagal ng panahon, ngunit… o Diyos ko!

Natapat pa ang pagpapatakbo ko ng nasabing trolley twing alas-otso ng umaga at alas-dose ng tanghali. Alas-otso, papasok ang mga estudyante; alas-dose, palabas naman sila para mananghalian. Hindi lamang miminsan akong natitigan ng ibang estudyante (karamihan pa'y lalake! Yikes!) at nangitian na hindi mo malaman kung natutuwa ba sila o nanlilibak (hehe paranoid! )

At kapag sinusuwerteng wala akong pasok, syempre ako ulit ang toka sa Educ para sa afternoon shift.

Sige, tulak lang ng tulak!!! Matututunan mo rin ang sining ng pagpapatakbo ng trolley!!!

* * *
Hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan noong naging cashier ako at encoder naman si Peah (sya yung nabanggit kong sumasagot sa application form na kaklase ko; sya ang naging daan kung paano ako napasama sa magulo at madamdaming mundo ng OFAD ). Kung tutuusin, mas madaling magresibo kaysa mag-encode; ano nga lang ba naman ang pagreresibo kung ikukumpara mo sa pagta-type ng impormasyon ng aplikante? Bukod sa marami kang fields na kailangang kumpletuhin, dapat mo ring siguraduhing tama nga ang impormasyong nailagay mo. Yun kasi ang lalabas sa lahat ng records ng estudyante hanggang sa pagtatapos nya sa UST, kung mapagdesisyunan man ng tadhanang doon sya magpatuloy ng pag-aaral. At dahil nga mas mabilis ang proseso ng pagreresibo, natabunan tuloy si Peah (sorry Peah! )

Meron tuloy nanay na nagreklamo. Ang bagal daw ng proseso. Naiinip na raw sya.

Hindi na ako nagsalita dahil baka lalo lamang magkagulo. At saka marami naman talagang naghihintay kaya normal na ang ganitong reaksyon. Pero hindi ko kinaya ang sumunod nyang banat: "This is not a good school!" Tapos ay ikinumpara pa kami sa ibang eskwelahan.

Aba, aba, aba… hindi na yata makatarungan yan. Eh di dun ka sa mga school na yon mag-apply! (joke lang, hindi ko sinabi yun no, kahit gustong-gusto ko. Hindi naman ako bastos, at kung gagawin ko yun, lalabas lang na may katotohanan ang sinasabi nya. Ayaw kong dungisan ang pangalan ng aking paaralan).

Marahil sa pagkakataong ito ay kinulang nga kami sa bilis at sa kasamaang-palad ay natapat pa sa kanya, ngunit wala syang karapatang sabihing hindi magandang eskwelahan ang UST, lalo pa't ginagawa naman namin ang lubos ng aming makakaya upang makapaghatid ng maayos at mabilis na serbisyo. Ang nasabi ko na lamang habang nagde-detach ng isang permit sa printer (at nanginginig-nginig pa ako dahil sa lahat ng ayaw ko ay yung iniinsulto ang Alma Mater ko!), "This is the Pontifical and Royal University of Santo Tomas!!!"

Mayroon doong isang estudyante rin ng USTe, na nakarinig sa mga nasabi nung galit na nanay. Mas matagal pa nga ang ipinaghintay nya kaysa doon sa nanay na yon, pero natuwa ako nung sinabi nya, "Wag kayong makinig sa kanya. Maganda itong school natin!" (at kaharap nya yung nanay nung sinabi nya yon ha!)

Naantig ang puso ko noon at napangiti ako bigla. Ako pa nga'y naluha. Nakakatuwa naman… isang Tomasinong sumusuporta sa kapwa Tomasino. Binigyan nya ako ng pag-asa, kahit hindi naman kami magkakilala (although natatandaan kong naka-uniform sya ng Pharmacy).

Sa kanyang pag-alis ay tinawag ko syang muli, "Miss!"

Lumingon sya.

"Thank you!," sigaw ko.

Thumbs-up ang isinagot nya sa akin, sabay kindat.

VIVA SANTO TOMAS!!!

* * *
Bukod sa mga purong Noypi, may mga aplikante ring foreigner. Malamang hindi sila marunong umintindi ng ating pambansang wika; yung iba nga, pati Ingles ay hirap umintindi! Pero para safe, mag-Ingles ka na lang.

Hindi naman talaga big deal ito, kaya lang minsan nakakailang kasi nasanay na akong sa Filipino o Taglish magpaliwanag. Eh mas marami pa naman akong kailangang ipaalam sa mga banyagang ito sapagkat may karagdagang papeles pa silang nararapat isumite bago maproseso ang kanilang examination permits. (Naku, dito masusukat ang iyong "communicative skills in English"!!! Yikes…!)

Minsan ay nakasama ko si Dave sa Educ, tapos ay merong nag-inquire na Koreano. Hirap yung aplikanteng sabihin kung ano ba ang kanyang nais gawin. Sabi ko kay Dave, sya na ang kumausap kasi baka matawa ako habang nagpapaliwanag at ma-misinterpret ito nung tao. Sumang-ayon naman sya.

Nangingiti ako habang pinapakinggan ang dalawa. Halos hindi kasi sila magkaintindihan. Pero maayos namang natapos ang kaganapang ito, sa awa ng Maykapal. Pag-alis nung Koreano, natawa ako ng ubod-lakas.

Ang sama ng tingin ni Dave sa akin…

* * *
Second year of operation: Beato Angelico Building. Huwaaw!!!

Sa totoo lang, mas maganda sa Beato kaysa sa Educ, lalo na nung ipinahiram sa amin yung gallery. Sa Educ: mainit, malamok, walang sariling lalagyan ng gamit kaya araw-araw mong dadalhin nang pabalik-balik ang mga gamit (sakay ng lintek na trolley!). Sa Beato: aircon, walang masyadong lamok, may set ng drawers para sa mga "props" (susi na lang ang kailangan mong dalhin, hindi na trolley!), maluwag pa kaya maaaring lagyan ng mga upuan, hindi nakatayo ang mga naghihintay (at hindi rin ganun kabilis uminit ang kanilang mga ulo… ohdiba!).

Medyo nahirapan din kami kasi sa ikalawang taon ng operasyon ay may bagong patakaran: ang mga aplikante (o representatives nila) mismo ang kailangang mag-input ng applicant information sa computers. Ang sistemang ito ay ipinatupad para walang masyadong mali sa impormasyong ipinapasok, tutal mas kilala naman nila ang aplikante kaysa sa amin. Ngunit syempre hindi naman lahat ng taong pumupunta doon ay computer literate! Kaya naman ginagabayan namin sila sa pag-eencode. Yung iba ay cooperative naman, pero yung iba ay nagagalit at nagtatanong kung ano ba ang silbi naming mga SA doon kung sila rin pala ang mag-eencode.

Ito ang eksaktong mga salitang binitiwan ng isang nanay noon. Ang sakit nga sa tenga eh. Pero lalong masakit kasi sumusunod ka lang naman sa patakaran, tapos ito pa ang sasabihin sa 'yo, eh para namang may magagawa ka bukod sa turuan na lang sya! Mukha naman syang computer literate… naghihinarte lang.

Sa sobrang galit nung nanay na yon ay humingi pa sya ng survey form na malugod ko namang ipinagkaloob (at nakangiti ko pa syang pinahiram ng panulat! Oha, san ka pa??). Kinuha nya ang pangalan namin ni Mike, tapos isinulat doon sa form (Ang diin nga nyang magsulat; akala ko babakat dun sa mesa ang mga sinulat nya). Nung nakita nyang hindi naman ako natitinag, parang nagdalawang-isip sya kung may saysay ba talaga ang kanyang ginagawa. Pero sabi ko na lang, "Ma'am, sa Main Building po ang office namin, yung building na may tower sa itaas. Room 101, first door to your right. Kay Ma'am Ann Vargas nyo po yan ibigay. Sya ang director namin."

Pag-alis nya ay tumawag ako sa opisina. Sinabi ko lang na merong nanay na papunta doon, at "expect the worst." Mahirap na, baka mawindang naman sila kapag may sumugod doong may dalang bolo ni Bonifacio. At least naihanda man lamang nila yung insect spray, walis tingting at jumbo staplers kung meron mang mag-amok sa labas.

Hindi muna ako nagkwento sa kanila pagdating ko sa headquarters. Mauna syang maghinga ng sama ng loob. Saka na ako magpapaliwanag pagkatapos nya. Hinintay ko sya; ang tagal namang dumating. Gutom na gutom na ako kaya masaya muna akong nananghalian.

Ngunit hindi sya dumating. Gusto ko tuloy hanapin; baka naligaw. Pero umuwi na yata sya. At hindi na nagbalik magpakailanman.

* * *
May nakakatawa nga palang nangyari sa Beato. Maski administrasyon ng Architecture at CFAD ay hindi ito makakalimutan.

Mayroong mag-inang nag-asikaso ng application. Wala namang naging problema sa proseso; ang bilis nga nilang natapos eh. Paglabas nila ng pinto, nagtaka ako kung bakit kumaliwa sila gayong kanan ang daan palabas. Wala naman silang mapapala sa left side dahil may pinto man doon, naka-lock naman. Saka kahit naman bukas yun hindi pa rin sila makakalabas papuntang gate ng school, may bakod kasi. Susundan ko na sana sila nang biglang….

CCCRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Napatakbo ako bigla sa labas. Ano ang nangyayari??? Sinusugod na ba tayo ng mga terorista??? Katapusan na ba ng mundo???

Diyos ko, nabasag nung mag-ina ang pintuan ng Beato! Pinagpilitang buksan kaya ayun…

Hiyang-hiya ako nang bumaba sa ground floor yung dean ng CFAD. Yikes. Hindi na ako magtataka kung hindi na kami papayagan doon next year…

* * *
Uso ang pag-oovertime sa opisina lalo na kapag malapit na ang mga eksamen (madugo lang naman kapag first exam; the rest, OK na). Meron pa ngang mga pagkakataong 10:30 o alas-onse ng gabi na ako nakakauwi. Pero kahit nakakapagod, masaya. Pati kasi hapunan ay sabay-sabay kami ng mga kaibigan ko. Libre pa…

Sa pasilyo ng Main Building kami kumakain, o kaya sa hagdan. Hindi pwede sa loob ng opisina kasi baka magkalat kami at dagain; good luck na lang pag nagkaganun kasi puro papel ang laman ng aming tanggapan.

Isang gabi ay nagkakwentuhan ng nakakatakot. Ayaw ko sanang makinig dahil isa talaga akong matatakuting tao. Maya-maya'y napalingon ako sa may bintanang nakaharap sa isang maliit na hardin (kung hardin mo nga iyong matatawag).

Ano yun? Bakit may nakaputing naglalakad?

Sa sobrang takot ko, napatayo ako. Sa pagtayo ko, nalaglag ang gravy ko, na tumapon naman sa bulletin board na tinatapos ni LA. Isa iyong mapa ng UST na magsisilbing gabay sa mga kukuha ng pagsusulit bukas.

Malamang responsable ako sa kaganapang iyon. Ang hirap pa namang punasan nung gravy kasi hindi pa tuyo yung pintura sa bulletin board!

At syempre kailangan kong basain ang gagamitin kong basahan para mas malinis ang pagpunas, at banlawan iyon pagkatapos upang magamit pang muli. Para magawa yun, kailangang mag-CR ako. At alas-nuwebe na yata noon! Main Building pa!

Nagpasama na lamang ako sa isang kaibigan. Ngunit ayaw din nyang pumasok ng CR! Eh di pinahawak ko na lang sa kanya yung pintuan para kung sakali ay hindi naman ako makulong sa loob ng palikuran at mag-isang paglaruan ng kung anong espiritu!

Nakakainis nga, kadulu-duluhan at kasuluk-sulukan pa naman ng CR yung lababo! Tapos noon, mga cubicle. At isang napakahabang salamin bago ka tuluyang makalabas.

(Umiwas nga ako ng tingin sa salamin nung mga sandaling yon eh. Mahirap na, baka may masilayan pa akong kakaiba at hindi ko kayanin.)

At alam nyo ba kung ano yung nakaputing nakita ko? Security guard na naka-shirt lamang; hindi nya suot ang kanyang uniporme. Inis na inis nga ako. Meron naman kasing maliwanag na corridor, kung bakit gusto pa nyang sa dilim maglakad!

* * *
Hindi ko na matandaan kung noong gabi ring iyon nangyari ang susunod kong kwento; basta ang naaalala ko, bilog ang buwan noon. Uwian na; kasabay ko sina Kristin at Erwin palabas ng campus. Nagkakatakutan na naman at sadyang maloko itong si Erwin, talagang dun pa sa kalagitnaan ng Lovers' Lane gustong dumaan! Napapalibutan pa naman ng matatandang puno ang lugar; para itong gubat. Hindi lamang yon; mahaba-haba pa ang landas na aming tatahakin bago marating ang España gate, at wala pang masyadong ilaw! Pero pumayag na rin kami ni Kristin; trip-trip lang naman eh.

Ang mahabang daan na aming binabagtas ay parang hindi yata umiikli, bagkus ay lalo pang humahaba ang panahong aming ginugugol doon. Hindi na namin kinaya ang kabang nadarama; sumisigaw kaming tumakbo. Muntik pa akong maiwan dahil ang bilis nung dalawa, pwedeng pambato sa Olympics! Pero kumapit ako sa mga bag nila para hindi nila ako matakasan…

Humihingal kaming tatlo pagdating sa may Arch of the Centuries. At least dito may ilaw na. Ngunit hindi pa kami nakakabawi ng hininga, biglang namatay lahat ng ilaw! Takbo na naman kami. Konting tiis na lang naman, kasi ilang metro na lang ang layo ng tarangkahan.

Nakasakay naman kami agad. Buti na lang. Ayaw ko nang tumakbo ulit.

Nakailang basong tubig ako pagdating sa bahay.

* * *
Lumipat naman tayo sa mismong mga araw ng exam. Last year ay hindi ako naging examiner, ngunit sa taong ito, napasabak ako sa labanan. Sa Commerce Building ako nadestino.

Syempre ay nakangiti ako habang binabati sila: "Good morning!" Dito magsisimula ang hinaharap ng mga batang ito. Maganda ang sikat ng araw. Humuhuni ang mga ibon at…

Ay sus! Na-trauma ako. Halos mawalan ako ng pag-asa habang kaharap ang pag-asa ng bayan. Naisip ko pa nga, baka hindi ako episyente, o kung anupaman. Ngunit kahit saang anggulo ko tingnan, hindi naman ako nagkulang. Totoo siguro yung sinasabi ng mga matatanda; iba na ang mga kabataan ngayon.

Nung lunch, sabi ko kay Ma'am Ria, ayoko na. Pero syempre para namang meron akong pagpipilian! Saka kahit paano ay maswerte na raw ako. May mga kasama akong mas kahindik-hindik pa ang dinanas kaysa sa akin. Eh di nag-proctor pa rin ako nung hapon.

Hindi naman mukhang nakasinghot ng katol yung mga examinees noong hapon; nasobrahan lang siguro sa Red Bull yung pang-umagang batch. May naging crush pa nga ako eh… hehehe! :p Hindi ko nga lang natingnan kung nakapasa ba sya o ano. Pero kahit papano pinaganda nya uli yung nasirang araw ko.

* * *
Nung mga sumunod na araw ng pagsusulit, may nahuli akong nangongopya. Pumunta ako sa may pwesto nila nung kaututang-dila nya. Gusto ko lang syang bigyang-babala. Pero ang tigas ng mukha! Nasa harapan ko na, bumubulong pa rin sa katabi!

Nginitian ko sya, tapos sabi ko, "Ano?"

Napangiti na lang rin sya. Alam nyang nahuli ko na sya.

Sayang. Maganda pa naman (as in muntik na akong maging instant lesbiana sa ganda nya!). Hindi ko na sasabihin yung pangalan nya, pero sa Malolos sya nag-aaral. At uulitin ko, GRABE ANG GANDA NYA!!!!

Pumasa kaya sya?

Kung pumasa man sya sa test, hindi pa rin ako kumbinsidong karapat-dapat syang dito mag-aral. Hindi ako nagmamalinis o anupaman, pero nasaan ang karakter doon? Simulang-simula pa lang, nandaraya ka na. At hindi ka rin lubusang masisiyahan pumasa ka man, kung alam mong hindi yun bunga ng sarili mong pagsisikap. Ewan ko lang sa iba; basta ganun ang paniniwala ko.

* * *
Bukod sa UST campus, nagbibigay din kami ng pagsusulit sa mga kung tawagin ay Provincial Testing Centers (PTC). Marami-rami yun, pero minsan lang ako nakasama: sa Tarlac. Nataon kasing Christmas vacation noon; hindi ko na kailangang lumiban sa klase para lang makasama.

Alas-kwatro pa lamang ng umaga ay nasa eskwelahan na ako. Dahil may Simbang Gabi, bukas lahat ng ilaw, at natigilan ako sa gandang nakita ko.

Ngunit ang kagandahang yon pala ay "calm before the storm." Nagkaroon kami ng konting problema sa sasakyan; kinailangan naming mag-commute. Dalawang taxi ang naghatid sa amin sa istasyon ng bus.

Philippine Rabbit: ang pambansang hayop ng Pilipinas. Wag mong tangkaing dikitan; nakamamatay.

Tabi kaming lahat sa likod ng bus. Sobrang ingay namin (actually, AKO lang… hahaha ). May pagkakataon pa ngang napasigaw ako; nabulabog tuloy ang buong bus. Buong akala ko'y sisipain na kami palabas… para akong hindi taga-Ateneo (hehehe ).

In fairness tumahimik na ako noong nasa Pampanga na. At ayun, narating din namin ang Tarlac. Hindi ako makapaniwalang may mga tricycle driver na magsasamantala sa amin sapagkat halatang mga dayo lamang kami. Kwarenta pesos ba naman ang sinisingil gayong ang tunay na presyo ng pamasahe ay sampung piso lamang! Buti na lang at nandun si Marian (na nagkataong taga-Tarlac) kaya hindi naman kami masyadong nautakan. Dinagdagan lamang namin ng konti ang bayad kasi mabibigat ang dala naming kahon.

Nakakahiya nga paano pagdating namin, lahat ng tao ay nakadungaw sa balkonahe ng paaralan. Mukhang talagang inabangan kami (tapos naka-tricycle lang kami?? Jologs!). Sinalubong kami ng guidance counselor na kulay itim ang nail polish sa mga daliri ng paa't kamay. Di nagtagal, nagsimula na ang pagsusulit.

42 examinees ang akin. Meron akong walong batang bibo… napansin ko ngang sa paaralang mismo na yun sila nanggaling, tapos mukhang magkakaklase pa; kaya siguro malalakas ang loob. Sa awa ng Diyos tumahimik din naman sila (dapat lang kung ayaw nilang…! ).

May drawing test para sa piling mga kurso; alas-tres na kami nakaalis sa PTC. Gusto na naming umuwi kaya napagkaisahang sa bus na lamang kumain (ng almusal at tanghalian!).

Pagkakain, tulog silang lahat pwera lang ako (hyper pa rin!). Nakatulog din naman ako, pero nasa Kalakhang Maynila na kami noon. Tapos pagtuntong ng USTe, lahat ng tao ay gustong maglabas ng kinain…

* * *
Hindi naman lahat ng batang kumuha ng pagsusulit ay ubod ng sama. May naging examinee ako… nung nililigpit ko na ang mga gamit pagkatapos ng pagsusulit, lumapit sya sa akin at sinabi, "Ma'am, thank you po."

Sa lahat ng kabataang pinag-test ko ngayong taon (mahigit 300 pag pinagsama-sama ko na), sya lang ang kaisa-isang nagpasalamat sa akin. Hindi ako nagkaroon ng pagkakataong makuha ang pangalan nya, pero na-touch talaga ako sa ginawa nya. Teary-eyed na 'to...

* * *
Naranasan ko na ring mag-shred para sa aming mahal na opisina. Dahil wala naman kaming sariling shredder, nakikigamit kami sa Computer Center.

Mezzanine ang opisina ng Computer Center, kaya kinakailangang buhatin ang bulto-bultong papel paakyat. Maliit pa ang pintuan nila papunta sa shredding room kaya naman naalala ko bigla ang CAT days ko nung highschool na kailangang mag-duck walk pag nagagalit ang inyong officer.

Isa pang hindi ko makakalimutan sa shredding ay noong nakasama ko si Rean at Megan (Regan na lamang para mas maikli - hehehe!). Hindi ko pa sila masyadong ka-close bago kami mag-shred, ngunit matapos noon… hala! Nadiskubre naming iisang dugo pala ang nananalaytay sa aming mga ugat!

Matapos ang mahabang kwentuhan habang nagse-shred, anim na trash bags ang aming kinaladkad mula Computer Center hanggang sa tapat ng OFAD. Tiningnan lamang kami nung mga nakasalubong naming janitor (pinagtawanan pa nga yata kami - tsk-tsk-tsk!).

Magmula noon, kaming tatlo'y tinaguriang Payatas Babes.

GO PAYATAS!!!

* * *
Matapos gamitin ang mga materyales, dapat ligpitin. Kapag natatapos ang isang testing date, inilalagay sa mga kabinet sa opisina ang mga ito. Medyo mataas kaya kailangang tumuntong sa kung saan-saan.

May lahing gagamboy pala ang ilan sa amin. At maituturing kong isang malaking accomplishment ang mailagay ang isang bundle na test booklet (50 piraso) sa kabinet nang walang kinakapitan kahit sobrang kipot ng aking tinutuntungan; naka-uniporme pa ako't nakatakong. Hindi lang isang beses itong nangyari.

* * *
BODEGA TIME!!!

Sa likod ng chapel matatagpuan ang bodega ng UST. Dahil sa angking talino ng arkitekto nito, dalawang set ng hagdan ang aakyatin mo (sana ay mala-inclined plane na lang di ba, para pwedeng mag-trolley. May pulley pero sira naman kaya hindi rin magamit).

Gusto kong matawa kasi habang nagbubuhat kami ni Marlon ay tumutulo ang pawis nya doon sa kahon; para tuloy itong naulanan. Pero dapat pigilan ang sarili! Baka mawalan ako ng lakas at pareho kaming matabunan. Masaklap yun pag nagkataon.

Paalala kung ikaw ay magbobodega: Wag lumingon sa pinanggalingan kung gusto mong makarating sa iyong paroroonan.



Chillin' Out

Nitong mga huling araw, napapadalas ang pagdiretso namin sa kainan pag uwian. Dati, chipipay pizza; ngayon, pika-pika. Tigsasampung piso sa Noval. Ayaw pa rin kaming bigyan ng diskwento ni Manang kahit araw-araw kami doon; mataaas na raw ang halaga ng mga bilihin at bagsak pa rin ang ekonomiya. (Sige na nga!)

Umaatikabong kwentuhan ang magaganap sa Noval na ipagpapatuloy sa football field. Kung inabot ng alas-otso at hindi pa rin tapos, lilipat sa may pay parking (sa tapat ng ospital) kasi sisitahin na kayo ng mga gwardiya. Tapos, ayun, sabay-sabay pa rin paglabas ng eskwelahan; mag-aantayan hanggang makasakay.

Ano ba ang aming dinidiskurso at tumatagal ng ganito? Marami. Tungkol sa mga buhay-buhay namin: pamilya, eskwelahan, trabaho, at pag-ibig (ahem: PAG-IBEEEG!!!). Tungkol sa darating na eleksyon. Mga plano para sa hinaharap. Pilosopiya. Mga kalokohan.

Natutuwa ako kasi lalo ko silang nakikilala sa mga sandaling katulad nito. Interesante kasi ang mga opinyon nila; nahihimok nila akong mag-isip din. In a way nakikilala ko rin ang sarili ko.

* * *
Ang mga sumusunod ay ilan sa mga quotable quotes na aking nakalap mula sa OFAD, loob man o labas ng opisina:

- "Don't talk to strangers when your mouth is full."

- "Life is like a box of chocnut. You'll never know if it's durog or not."

- "Wag mo silang pagtaasan ng boses; pagbabaan mo ng boses."

- "OK lang yan. Shit happens."

- "Buti na lang ikaw ang nandito." (Whoa! As if...! )

- "Live life in your own special way."

- "Dahan-dahan...! Madilim!!"

- "PASOK!! Pumasok ka ditooo...!!"

- "MALANDE!!! POKPOK!!! SUMBONG!!!"

- "Masasaktan ka talaga!!"

- "Yes, Madam!" (Magalang na bata! )

- "Yang nanay mo ha!"

- "Ayaw ko nga. Ano ako, MH?" (Mahadera?? Hahaha )

- "Magaling ka naman talaga. Ikaw lang ang ayaw maniwala." (Hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin ako naniniwala… hehe! Pero salamat, mother.)

- "Ma'am, sino yun? OK yun ah, brusko lang magsalita." (Ganun?? Gusto mong ma-whapak??)

- "Nge… kayang-kaya nyang umuwi no! Lalake yan eh!" (Aray naman!)

- "Makikita rin nila ang aking bagong magnificence."

- "Wag ka nang magpaliwanag!"

- "Masyado ka kasing sensitive eh, sineseryoso mo lahat. I-try mo naman kayang minsan, wala ka lang pakialam?"

- "Wag ka nang umiyak."

- "Matulog ka na." (Mabuti pa nga!)

- "Alam mo, kung magwo-work ka rin ng after lunch, mag-aamoy-araw ka rin!" (Eh bakit ba kasi nagagalit?? )

- "O, nagmumura na naman…"

- "Masakit ba talaga, o naghihinarte ka lang?" (Nakita mo na ngang nagdudugo na yung paa ko eh!)

- "Ang arte mo… pumunta ka!"

- "Hindi lahat ng yabang, negative."

- "Let vibrancy prevail."

- "Life is good when you're having fun."

- "Alam mo ba kung saan nanggaling ang salitang Dangwa?"

- "Kung ikaw ay papipiliin, ano ang iyong pipiliin at bakit?"

- "In fairness naka-sleeveless sya. Parang ube." (Hayop! Tapos the next day ponkan na ponkan naman... )

- "Bakit ba hindi ka namamansin? Para kang may mens."

- "Pag kasama kita, nauurat ako."

- "Bastusin mo naman ako!"

- "Eh kasi nga, nagseselos!"

- "DUWAG! CHICKEN! TORPE!"

- "SARAAAAP....!!!"

- "Eh bakit kaya nangingiti ang Charito?"

- "Love your work."

- "Ang mga tao talaga, oo!"

- "Ano ba itong napasukan ko???" (Sindikato!! Wehehe )

- "Pag nandito ka talaga, lagi akong pinagbubuhat!" (Sira, eh sa akin mo rin naman pinapabuhat no! )

- "Ang sakit ng buo kong pagkatao!!"

- "I like it! I like it!"

- "Na-miss kita. Wala kasing ibang dalahira dito..."

- "PAG-IBEEEGGGG!!!!"

- "Ah! Ask the guard na lang sa labas..." (Coñotic! Mwahaha! )

- "Minsan kailangan mong sumuko para manalo; kailangan mong magpahinga para lumakas."

- "Kahit anong bagay naman, basta sobrang na-attach ka, masama na."

- "Habang may buhay, sa OFAD ibibigay…" (Lintek!)

- "DUH!!! As in malaking DUH!!!" (Syempre trademark ko yan... )

Pero siguro, ito ang pinakamahalagang leksyong natutunan ko: Ugaliing mag-blower. When all else fails, maganda pa rin ang lola mo!!!

* * *
Sa OFAD din ako natutong magrosaryo.

Oo, walong taon ang ginugol ko sa pinakamalaking katolikong unibersidad ng Pilipinas ngunit hindi ako marunong mag-rosaryo! Napakamakasalanan ko… ang dumi-dumi ko!!!

Pinagtawanan ko lamang sila nang sabihin nilang mag-lead ako. Akala ko'y isa itong malaking biro. Pero hindi sila natinag… seryoso talaga sila! Buti na lamang at may booklet namang gabay.

Mahilig talagang manundot ang tadhana. Hindi ko matandaan kung aling misteryo na kami noon; basta narinig ko, "Hail Mary, Mother of God..."

Napatingin kaming lahat sa aming kasama. Sya rin ay natigilan at wari'y naguluhan sa kanyang sinabi. Kung meron mang tinatawag na "moment of silence," ito na yun.

Nangiti kaming lahat at nagpigil tumawa.

* * *
Bago matapos ang Marso, pumunta kami sa Anilao, Batangas. Labing-isa lamang kami, pero kahit hindi buo ang pamilya, kahit papaano, naging masaya naman kami. Hindi nga ako dapat sasama pero pagpasok na pagpasok ko pa lang noong umaga ay yun na agad ang ibinato nila sa akin: "Sasama ka ba?"

Konting tulak pa ay napasama na rin ako. Umuwi na lang ako ng bahay para maghakot ng gamit.

Gabi na nang kami'y makarating sa beach ni Aling Nora. Yung iba ay nagpalit muna ng damit-pampaligo; yung iba naman ay binanatan agad yung pagkain (hehehe). Maganda ang pwesto namin nina Nedy at Jhen... abot-kamay lamang ang tagumpay

Kawawa nga yung tatlong tilapia... matapos pagkaguluhan ay hindi mo na makilala kung anong uri ng buhay yun noon. Isang marangal na libing na lamang ang pwede mong ibigay. Ika nga ni Marlon, "Anong ginawa nyo kay Penang???"

(Wennie, sa uulitin! )

Doon lamang kami sa balsa. Bawal lumayo kasi walang lifeguard pag gabi, eh merong lugar doon na biglang-lalim (65 feet). Mahirap na. Baka hindi kami kayaning iligtas lahat ni Dugong.

Naglaro kami ng langit-lupa, nagkodakan (hoy Zar, dalian mo ngang ipa-develop yan!), nagumon sa sugal ang ilan, konting inuman. Namulot ng batong panghilod, nagbatuhan ng seaweed, nagbasaan. Naglakad sa gilid ng dagat, tumakbo nung parang may nakatayo banda roong hindi namin malaman kung tao ba o engkanto.

Magdamag kaming nakahiga sa dalampasigan, bumubulong sa isa't isa habang nakatitig sa mga tala.

Balang-araw kaya, mahuhulog rin ang talang iyon?

* * *
OFAD lingo na, OFAD lingo na... aah...

PEOPLE OF THE UNIVERSE - OFAD pipol

AKTIBONG KATAWAN - mga taong laging present sa opisina; umulan man o umaraw, pasabugan man ng mga terorista, magunaw man ang mundo, naka-duty pa rin

BARBARIDAD - mga gawain o pangyayaring nakakaiskandalo pero nakakatawa

GRABIDAD - mas mataas na lebel ng kahit anong bagay

AMBISYOSA - mga taong ipinagpipilitan pa rin ang gusto nila kahit wala naman sa lugar

TARANTACIOUS - laging natataranta kahit wala namang dapat ikataranta

DIAPER - mga scratch paper na ginagawang bundle

INOBASYON / TEKNOLOHIYA - mas episyenteng paraan ng paggawa ng mga bagay-bagay

DOCUMENT - this is it

MOTHER SHIP - ang computer na naglalaman ng lahat ng importanteng impormasyon; hindi ito katulad ng ibang computer sa office

BELTBAG - lalagyan ni Wennie ng bayad sa pautang; malaking tiyan/puson

ICEBOX - lalagyan ni Erwin ng gamit pagpunta sa Batangas

BANIL - kapag meron ka nito, kailangan mo nang maghilod... di ba Totel?

MARUNGIS - lahat ng tao sa OFAD ganito; hindi lang masyadong halata yung iba... hahaha!

MADUMI - synonymous sa "marungis"

MAPAGBALAT-KAYO / MANLILINLANG / NAGMAMAANG-MAANGAN - taong akala mo'y malinis, marungis pala

MAGANDANG BALITA - tsismis na totoo (?)

ISYU - tsismis na hindi totoo (!)

MALANSA - kahina-hinalang pangyayari o tao

PAKHEMO - pagpapagamot ng isang may kanser

BOX OFFICE QUEEN - ang taong may pinakamataas na sweldo sa buwang kasalukuyan

PUNDASYON - orihinal na batch ng SAs

INSTITUSYON - SA noon magpahanggang-ngayon

MVP - laging taya sa langit-lupa

MASSUERTE - paboritong kainan namin noon pag tanghalian, na sa katagalan ay naging "MALAS"

LENI ROSS - isa pa naming "paborito" (?) sapagkat lahat ng nasa menu nila ay "cooked to perfection; deep-fried until golden brown"... ohdiba, parang kinopya sa lata ng Baguio oil!! Bukod doon ay lagi pang nakaabang ang may-ari sa pinto, ready to serve you better.

BREADED PORK CHOP - repeat after me: breaded pooork chop

INUTIL - mga taong hindi makaintindi kahit anong pagpapaintindi pa ang gawin; mga taong mabagal kumilos/mag-isip

PAKPAKPAK - ang parusa sa isang taong inutil

WHAPAK - mas mataas na lebel ng "pakpakpak"; hindi lang basta-basta inutil ang binibigyan nito kundi yung mga imbalido

ULAYAWAN - mahabang kwentuhan after work, usually sa football field, na inaabot hanggang lights-out sa USTe

AMOY-PAWIS - ang party list ng mga taga-OFAD sa Kongreso

Meron ding mga makulay na personalidad dito. Hulaan mo kung sinu-sino sila:

- Mudra / Madam
- Queen Mother
- Reyna Dowager
- Mrs. Melon (o Mellon?)
- Planet Earth / Mother Earth
- Anak ng Dilim
- Anak ng Lubak
- Anak ng Isda
- Duganda (Dugang from Uganda)
- Janitor Fish / Clown Fish
- Victoria, Marina, Dugong, Ista (tama ba spelling?)
- Pudong
- Gagamboy
- Alta Gracia
- Lorna Tolentino, Zsa-zsa Padilla, Lovely Ness, Karylle, Vandolph, Dolphy
- Familia Zaragosa
- Familia Yahoo
- Miss Beauty
- Cynthia Luster
- Techie Agbayani
- Anjo Yllana
- Helen Vela
- Viva Hot Babe (Viva Hotdog?? )
- Patrolman
- Ola
- Chief
- Doktora, Master, Misis
- Morning Girls
- Beauty Queens
- Powerboys
- Mama Bear, Papa Bear (luma na ito… konting-konti na lang ang makakaalala)
- Payatas Babes (nabanggit na kanina)



Epilogue

Fast-forward tayo sa kasalukuyang panahon, dalawang taon magmula nung ako'y seventeen going eighteen pa lamang. Tapos na ako sa aking pag-aaral, pero hanggang ngayo'y nakikigulo pa rin ako sa kanila. Minsan parang hindi ko sila kayang iwan; aminin na natin, kakaiba talaga ang mga karanasang naidulot sa akin ng institusyong ito. Sumigla talaga ang buhay ko. Hinding-hindi ito matutumbasan ng kahit ano. PAMILYA ITO.

Nung Sabado kumain kami sa Banana Leaf... natatawa ako kasi hindi namin malaman kung sa banana leaf ba talaga kami kakain o placemat lang yun. Hindi pa kami kumain agad... nagkunwari pa si Joan na magsi-CR para lang tignan yung ibang kumakain... hahahaha... natatakot kasi kami na baka pag naglagay na kami ng pagkain sa dahon ng saging eh bigla kaming lapitan ng attendant at sabihin, "Madam, may plato po kami..." (JOLOGS... hahaha... )

Nabanggit ko na lang rin yung mga attendant: kainis yung babae dun. Alas-onse pala nagsasara yung Banana Leaf... 10pm hindi pa kami tapos kumain. Daan ba naman ng daan tapos panay tingin sa orasan nya! Hindi lang naman kami yung kumakain dun nung mga panahong yun... mga tatlo o apat na lamesa pa ang okupado. Saka... duh... alas-diyes pa lang noh!

Hindi lang yun... nilapitan kami at tinanong, "May extra pa ba kayong order, kasi magsasara na kami ng 11 eh..."

Duh talaga, as in malaking DUH!

Sa awa ng Diyos natapos kaming kumain bago mag-alas-onse (sana natuwa sya di ba). Pero bago kami makaalis ay merong isang grupo ng mga foreigner (iba-ibang nasyonalidad pa) na pumasok. Lahat sila naka-itim, tapos lahat sila eh merong tatak sa noo... parang barcode. Nakakatakot nga eh. Para silang kultong ewan. Pero malay naman natin, fashion statement pala yun.

Pagkatapos naming kumain, pumunta naman kami ng Timog. Libot-libot lang. At ito pa: papunta kaming Sibil nang pagtingin namin, si Macky (sis ni Joan). Syempre chika-chika pero naghiwalay rin kami... pauwi na yata sila nun eh. Sa Starbucks kami nag-stay... habang umo-order kami ay pinuntahan kami ni Louie (bro ni Jen), nasa Sibil din pala sya. Pinapasunod sana kami pero hindi na kami tumuloy. Nung nakaupo na kami, pagtingin ko sa hagdan... hala, yung ate ko naman! Ohdiba ang liit ng mundo...

Nung wala na kaming magawa, umuwi na kami. Nagasgas pa nga yung kotse habang ipinapasok namin sa gate - nung tiningnan ko pagdating ng umaga eh ang haba at ang lalim pala (yikes... hekhek...)!! Nagkwentuhan kami ni Kat hanggang 7am; si Joan eh tulog agad at hindi mo na makausap eh Maya-maya pa eh umuwi na si Kat ng Bulacan, at kami naman ni Joan ay tulog-gising-kwentuhan-tulog-gising-kwentuhan. Halos gabi na rin ako nakauwi ng bahay.

Dapat nga pupunta ako ngayon kina Ate Gladz eh, sleepover ulit. Pero hinay-hinay lang, baka malintikan na ako nito sa nanay ko. Nung October nga tuwing weekend sa kanila ako natutulog eh. Ayoko namang masabi ni Mama na namimihasa ako.

**Paano naman kaming graduates na??? Hindi na validated yung IDs namin!!!** --> antay ko pa yung reply ni Juvy for more info.


Mark your calendars! On November 26, Friday, UST will be having a concert at the UST Grandstand Open Field (for the 1st time)! This event will feature famous local bands such as Bamboo, MYMP, Southborder, Imago, Chicosci, Sugarfree, Cambio, and many more! Thomasians only need to bring their IDs and one elementary or high school text book on the event, since this will also be a book-raising project. Non-thomasians will be charged a reasonable fee of P100 only.

Astig to! Once in a lifetime event to! So be there at 5pm ayt?

PASS THIS ON TO YOUR FRIENDS!

They might be interested as well! See you all!

(A project of the UST Central Student Council)

Lahat halos ng makausap kong kaibigan, merong balak lumipat - o nakalipat na - sa Sun Cellular. At syempre, nandyan ang pamimilit na mag-Sun ka na rin. Ano nga naman ang silbi ng unlimited text and calls kung wala ka namang matawagan sa mga "friendships" mo?!

Kanina, meron akong kliyente - actually tiyahin pa nga nya yun, nakisuyo lang kasi ako. Sa halip na credit cards ang pag-usapan namin - na syang dahilan kung bakit ako tumawag - eh features ng Sun ang aming pinagdidiskusyunan. Nakalibre ng libu-libong piso ang marketing department ng Sun Cellular sa product description na ginawa ko... mukhang napilit ko syang mag-Sun, eh ni hindi nga ako subscriber ng nasabing network - Smart ako. Kaya dapat bigyan ako ng Sun ng libreng account, yung panghabambuhay na. At gusto ko ng free phone, yung 7610 ha...

(Dream on)

Napapaisip na nga ako. Praktikal kasi ito sa trabaho, lalo't naka-Sun ang ilan sa mga taong lagi ko dapat kausap. Samantalahin ang matitipid na load habang andyan ang pagkakataon. Panigurado kasing kapag nakakuha ng certain number of subscribers ito, ititigil na ang nasabing promo. Market penetration lang ito. Sa ngayon kasi'y saturated ng Smart at Globe ang populasyon ng cellphone users.

Pero gumagana ang sentimentalidad ko eh. Yung number ko ngayon ay yung orihinal kong numero; kahit kelan di pa ako nagpalit. First year college ako noon, so bale apat na taon ko nang number ito. Saka syempre merong mga pinagkakaingat-ingatang mga mensahe... sabi tuloy nung sales consultant sa nanay ko nung ayaw kong magpa-upgrade ng SIM (mabubura kasi yung messages), "Naku, misis, umiibig na yung anak nyo..."

(Nakup... bistado... )

Ang 32K kong SIM card ay isa nang alamat...

**Tanong: Ano ba ang meaning ng SIM card? Acronym ba yan or something? Curious lang.

May strike daw bukas (mamaya)? May pasok pa rin ako. Sana makarating ako ng opisina nang hindi kinakailangang mag-Alay Lakad.

Ayokong magkaron ng downtime dahil marami akong gustong gawin bukod pa sa mga dapat ko talagang gawin. Kung pwede nga lang ngayon na magtrabaho eh (Totoo yun, hindi ako nagpapakaplastik... wehehe )

Natutuwa ako sa work ko kahit hindi sya madali at hindi rin kalakihan ang sweldo (may cut kasi! ). Natutuwa talaga ako - wala akong maisip na dahilan para maghanap ng iba pa, kahit na marami dyan. Natutuwa ako kasi ngayon ko lang na-feel ulit ito - yung mahal mo ang ginagawa mo. Nag-eenjoy ka kaya hindi mukhang trabaho.

Masuwerte pa rin ako dahil may trabaho ako. At ito ay nasa field na tinapos ko.

To think I almost left noon... alam kong inis na inis sa akin yung TL ko noon kasi kumbaga sa estudyante, panay cutting classes ko - trying to look for other jobs. Ngayon pangisi-ngisi na lang sya sa 'kin habang sinasabi, "Eh di nagbunga rin ang mga pagpapahirap ko sa 'yo..."

Gagu...

**FOOD FOR THOUGHT: Narinig ko sa radyo this morning: "If you do not like something, change it. If you cannot change it, change your attitude. Do not complain."

Nakakapanghinayang! Alam nyo bang habang sinusulat ko ito ay merong concert dyan sa kanto, courtesy of Myx?! Ang performers: Kitchie Nadal, Bamboo, Urban Dub, Rivermaya, Session Road, Tropical Depression, Ogie Alcasid, Sarah Geronimo, Jay-R, Kyla, at marami pang iba (sabi sa dyaryo... malay ko ba kung sino ang nandun...?)

OK sana eh, ang lapit dito sa bahay. Abot-kamay. Libre pa.

Eto ang bad trip:
Syempre maraming tao (malamang). Ang problema, marami ring epal na walang magawa sa buhay kundi manggulo. Balita ko eh meron pang may dalang balisong at kung anu-anong weapons. Yung mga boarders naming pumunta dun, nagsibalikan dito sa bahay. Talagang magulo raw dun, natakot tuloy sila (and to think guys yun). May mga pulis na nga raw na pinadala para ayusin ang gulo.

Ayan ayaw tuloy akong payagang lumabas. Pangit daw yung crowd sabi ng tatay ko. Eh muted naman yung sounds dito, hindi ko rin marinig yung mga kanta.

*Kainis*

Bakit ba may mga ganung tao? I mean... duh, papansin! Ang jologs ha!

Ayan tuloy...

I have seen Erin Brockovich some time ago at HBO. Before, I thought of it as entertainment, just like any other movie. It has a certain ring to it, though, being based on a true story. Watching it again made me realize that it has many interesting things to tell, many life lessons to share. I have learned a lot about sympathy, faith, hope, sacrifice and justice.

I realized that it doesn't do to judge people. Erin had no college education, had babies when she was about my age and been divorced twice. If she lived here in the Philippines, I would not even dare to imagine the reputation she might have had; we all know that at this day and age, Filipinos still maintain a conservative view of marriage. But even though she had her share of wrong turns in that long road called "life", that doesn't make her a bad person. Indeed, Erin has a big heart. She went out of her way to help people in need. It doesn't matter that these people are complete strangers; she felt that they were being deceived, and she'll do everything to free them from PG&E's lies, no questions asked.

Another point about judging people rose from the scene where a lawyer from PG&E said that the residents should settle for twenty million dollars, because it is more money than any of them have dreamed of. Erin argued that indeed it is a lot of money, but if you divided it to hundreds of people who are victims of water contamination, it's not enough to support their medical bills. I also like what she said, that those folks may not be sophisticated people, but still they have a right to live life quietly and safely. They do not dream about money; they dream about not worrying if their children swam all day in the pool because the water is not safe.

There's an old saying about looking at the glass as half-full instead of half-empty. I also learned that from Erin: to go on even if everything seems hopeless. It was manifested in the scene when Ed lamented about his law firm being a small fry, and it will be a really hard battle to file a case against a big company like PG&E. Erin pointed out that he may be a lawyer from some obscure town, but he is one who knows that PG&E did something wrong and lied about it. That's his edge over this goliath of a company.

Erin still showed optimism even when Donna Jensen lost her breasts and uterus because of infection. Donna got depressed because the tragedy left her feeling like she lost he womanhood as well. Erin was totally serious about this, but still tried to comfort her by saying, "At least you don't have to worry about maxipads and underwires..."

Gathering evidence regarding the case was not easy. Erin had to sacrifice a lot of time and effort. She spent less time with her children than before, and her relationship with George was also affected. She even got sick from fatigue. But that did not stop her from doing her job. Nothing will stop her even if she's in her death bed; she'll do what she had to do.

All her effort paid off in the end, not only in monetary terms - she earned a bonus of two million dollars - but also in the things that matter. She was able to help the residents of the county who would have suffered a lot and received no support from the offending party if she didn't intervene. George and her children finally understood that all she worked for meant a lot to her, and they helped her do a great thing, in their own little ways.

Erin Brockovich is a woman of determination. She said, "I'm smart, I'm hardworking, I'll do anything and I'm not leaving here without a job." Now that's a fine lady!

Tonight my gaze met his soft eyes. And I felt... peace. Peace that has eluded me for months.

I love him, strong as ever

"...and I wondered about the depth of your feelings for me which you kept to yourself. I did not expect anything from you, yet I ached to know, to be told that you thought of me sometimes." - Ermita, F. Sionil José

1. Say something positive as early as possible.

2. Believe in miracles but don't depend on them.

3. Never allow anyone to intimidate.

4. Don't work for recognition but do work worthy of recognition.

5. Remember the credo of Walt Disney: Think. Believe. Dream. Dare.

6. Never comment on someone's weight unless you know it's what they want to hear.

7. Seek respect rather popularity.

8. Seek quality rather than luxury.

9. Start a "read again" file for articles you might want to enjoy a
second time.

10. Look for opportunity that's hidden in every adversity.

11. Remember that when your mom says "you'll regret it" you probably will.

12. On your birthday send your mom a thank you card.

13. Never let the odds stop you from pursuing what you know in your heart you were meant to do.

14. Be happy with what you have while working on what you want.

15. Celebrate even small victories.

16. Don't forget that a couple of words of praise or encouragement can make someone's day.

17. Whenever you hear an ambulance siren say a prayer for the person inside.

18. When in doubt, smile.

19. If it's not a beautiful morning let your cheerfulness make it
beautiful.

20. Marry someone your equal or a little bit better.

21. Remember that a minute of anger denies you 60 seconds of happiness.

22. Never give up on a dream just because of the length of time it will take to accomplish it.

23. Don't write something you don't want others to read.

24. When taking a true-false test, remember that any statement that includes the word any, all, always, never or ever is usually false.

25. Never tell anybody they can't sing.

26. Become the world's most thoughtful friend.

27. Remember that anything worth doing is going to take longer that you think.

28. Remember that bad luck as well as good luck seldom lasts long.

29. Root for your team to win not for the other team to lose.

30. Accept triumph and defeat with equal grace.

31. Learn your great-grandparents' name and what they did.

32. Savor every day.

33. Share the remote control.

34. Remember it's not your job to get people to like you, it's your job
to like people.

35. Never miss a chance to shake hands with Santa.

36. Remember that the only dumb question is the one you wanted to ask but did not.

37. Spend time with lucky people.

38. Stand up for your right principles even if you have to stand alone.

39. Remember that everyone has bad days.

40. Marry someone who loves music.

41. If you know you are going to lose, do it with style.

42. Remember that not all right are popular and not all popular are
right.

43. Work diligently.

44. Live simply.

45. Think quickly.

46. Fight fairly.

47. Give generously.

48. Laugh loudly.

49. Pray faithfully.

50. Love deeply.

-- Author unknown